"Pull Up a Sandbag" - 1st Signed Copy of the book for Hols4H

Discussion in 'Charity Auctions' started by Gundulph, Jul 29, 2009.

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  1. [align=center]Auction Ends Today at Mid-Day GMT[/align]

    [align=center][​IMG][/align]

    This is an Auction of the Very First Signed Copy of the book “Pull Up a Sandbag” by ‘Jonathan Smiles, the two Co-Authors will Sign the book and add any message the winning Bidder would like to be added (within reason!). We haven’t sent out any signed copies to date as we wanted the first one to be auctioned in order to help those fine people over at Holidays For Heroes… so here it is!

    I’ve been told the book makes a very good Christmas Pressie although this sounds a tad bizarre as the book was only Published on April 1st (don’t laugh) of this year…

    For anyone who might not have heard about the book you can see the reviews over in the Book Forum here in ARRSE: http://www.arrse.co.uk/Forums/viewtopic/t=121793.html or you can view some reviews we have had in the actual site where the book is available to purchase: http://www.pull-up-a-sandbag.co.uk to get an idea of people’s thoughts so far.

    Good Luck and Thanks in Advance to the Winning Bidder.

    Here are a couple of Extracts taken from the book:

    [align=center]Pull Up a Sandbag…


    Jonathan Smiles

    Coitus Interruptus…

    Sprogs weren't the only people to receive 'character building experiences.' One female visitor was to be subjected to more hair-raising tricks than anyone in the Squadron. Slurp, as she was affectionately known, was to be put through some horrific trials during her stays within the lines, the most memorable of which involved CS Gas, a few rolls of Harry black masking tape and an open window. Bouncing up and down on top of one of the troop members, she was oblivious to the giggling group that had assembled outside the Sapper’s bunk. A large juicy orange had been placed on a small table next to the bed, unbeknown to the mating couple the said orange had an Outdoor Sound Unit (these are like small training detonators that are usually only meant for training outside and pack quite a punch especially when contained as in the orange!) inserted into the middle of it. Command wires were camouflaged on their journey out of the slightly open window and down to a Shrike exploder. On the word of command from above, the Sapper in charge of the Shrike primed then fired the Shrike. The sound unit detonated and the said orange ‘blew up’ covering the passionate couple from head to toe in wet, juicy, sticky orange juice, absolutely perfect for the next phase of the attack! Utilising the 'spoon method,' they then crushed a CS gas pellet, set it alight and began to blow the fumes under the door and into the room.

    For those who are not familiar with the effects of CS gas, without going into a lecture, it basically burns the skin, causes choking and irritates the eyes with the same intensity as concentrated shampoo, or deep heat. Worse still are the areas that are covered in sweat. With the pores open, the particles have easier access and are absorbed swiftly.

    As you can imagine, Slurp, after half an hour of 'bedroom fun' was dripping with sweat. Her 'lovefest' went from ecstasy to agony in about 30 seconds. Eyes streaming, and sweaty body in absolute torture, she could only watch, horrified, as her caring partner reached under his bed, donned his respirator, blew out hard shouting the words, "Gas! Gas! Gas!" then leapt off the bed for his dressing gown. In severe pain and totally confused, Slurp tried the door, only to find that the sneaky team had 'harry-blacked' it up, leaving no way for her escape.

    Signaling to her through the choking smoke, her thoughtful partner, clad in his protective bathrobe and gas mask, steered her toward the open window. To slurp it must have seemed the only escape, but the bunk was two floors up and too far to leap. Settling for anything to alleviate the pain, she jumped onto the windowsill and, still naked with her 'fun bags a wobbling,' stuck as much of her orange soaked, stinging body out as possible to the cold night air. Giggling from the adjoining bunks, the Helmets, in an act of mercy, threw cold water and captured the moment on camera.


    [align=center]The Harrop Rocket[/align]

    Spending more time than usual in camp, misguided Helmet energy was channeled into drinking binges at the ‘George’ and 'Doddy', destructive and slapper-unfriendly parties in the lines, and the great firework fiasco. Prior to the troops' departure from an exercise at Thetford, an entire town's worth of fireworks was purchased and transported to their 'hide location' in the lines (accommodation) at Chattenden. (Such a good time was had trying to skewer each other with rockets on exercise, that it was considered an excellent idea to bring back the goods and continue our escapades within the camp.) All began well, with the firework Range confined to the accommodation alone, the Order escaped the scrutiny of camp authority. On many occasions, upon returning from the George, H’s moped was wheeled out and a candidate - usually an unfortunate, sober 'bayonet frog' - was dragged from his bed and placed upon the seat of doom. His mission was to pilot the 'Harrop Rocket' along the Helmets' corridor, a corridor filled with the choking smog of CS gas and slippery with spilt beer and bodily waste. Outfitted with gas masks and armed with rockets and airbomb repeaters, the Helmets waited in the doorways of rooms as the Sprog, protected only with H’s human cannonball motorcycle helmet, began his suicide run. When you consider the close quarters of the accommodation and the size of target, it's not surprising that impacts were often and accidents common.


    The Auction will run for the standard week... so Ending Mid-Day next Wednesday, 5th August...
     
  2. £20.
     
  3. YesItsMe

    YesItsMe LE Good Egg (charities)

    If you want to unwind after a long working day, or just need the perfect book to take with you on holiday,
    grab this one and you won't be disappointed.
    (And be warned, you need tissues when reading. :lol: )

    I had the laugh of my life reading it. :thumright:

    Btw, it would make a perfect present as well. ;)


    Oh and [​IMG]
     
  4. CountryGal

    CountryGal LE Book Reviewer

    £40.00
     
  5. £50.

    Edit: Too slow n cheap. :roll:
     
  6. Matty, you sure you haven't read the book already? there is a story about the time I met a very strange haggler in Jerusalem who went into reverse and we got our carpet for much less than my starting haggling bid!

    Brilliant so far! thanks to you all for the excellent Bids...

    Who said ARRSE doesn't have a heart! :wink:
     
  7. £55 then to avoid editors
     
  8. Good man tiger stacker...

    Very generous...
     
  9. Ord_Sgt

    Ord_Sgt RIP

    60 quid then, I was going to buy it anyway.
     
  10. Nice...

    Good Man Ord_Sgt :wink:

    Remember all, the proceeds from this auction are to be paid to the folks at Holidays For Heroes...
     
  11. YesItsMe

    YesItsMe LE Good Egg (charities)

    Great Ord_Sgt !! :thumleft:

    Just make sure you got lots of tissues when reading. :lol:

    And don't read it in public ... others give funny looks when you roar with laughter every 30 seconds I had to learn. [​IMG]
     
  12. YesItsMe

    YesItsMe LE Good Egg (charities)

    [​IMG]


    This could be you ... go for it !! [​IMG]
     
  13. £65 not being out bidded by a bleep.