Pull up a bollard - Memoirs of a Matelot.

Dunno if I can be arsed anymore to be honest. Might drip feed a few more bits onto here but I still don't think it's good enough for a real book that people would buy.
Get it written mate, I'd read it and enjoy it.

If you want to sell it to some doddering old BAOR schnapps swillers just sex up the text by mentioning the strangulation of whores.

Don't mention any physical training though as that will put them off.
 

socialdespatch

War Hero
Dunno if I can be arsed anymore to be honest. Might drip feed a few more bits onto here but I still don't think it's good enough for a real book that people would buy.
After some of the shite I've read as published work I don't think you could go too far wrong.



On re-reading that, it sounds a bit snide. Seriously, that isn't how it is meant.
 

wafubustard

War Hero
Dunno if I can be arsed anymore to be honest. Might drip feed a few more bits onto here but I still don't think it's good enough for a real book that people would buy.

Get it published. There are lots of us who would read it and a few copies down in a few mess decks would cause the reggies a bit of grief and show the lads what can be done to have a good time.

That the reason for my dislike above.
 

anglo

LE
Dunno if I can be arsed anymore to be honest. Might drip feed a few more bits onto here but I still don't think it's good enough for a real book that people would buy.
Put your memoirs on the internet and charge to read it, I would like to read it, most forces blokes have some
good tales to tell but never write them down, blokes on arrse seem to think you are up for it,
have a go, nothing to loose [ you will make some cash;):biggrin: ]
 

Goatman

ADC
Book Reviewer
Wotemsaid,ditto.

Hows the bonce?
 
Dunno if I can be arsed anymore to be honest. Might drip feed a few more bits onto here but I still don't think it's good enough for a real book that people would buy.
Fcuk me, you still alive? Anyway, Auld Sapper never imagined his "pull up a sandbag" thread would turn into a book, and by fcuk that was a book and a half. So good, I bought three copies (and knowing how to use usenet, I rarely buy anything...)

Sit down and write it. Self-publishing on Amazon is a doodle. And it will better than at least half the "Forces Memoirs" that are published. You are actually quite a good writer, mate.
 
To be fair @Ravers , go for it. There's loads of old matelots out there who would buy it for shits and giggles and it'll be a good read. The bits and pieces of yours that I've read on here have had me in stitches tbh.

You'll be fecking stupid not to do it.
 
To be fair @Ravers , go for it. There's loads of old matelots out there who would buy it for shits and giggles and it'll be a good read. The bits and pieces of yours that I've read on here have had me in stitches tbh.

You'll be fecking brain damaged not to do it.
FTFY. Oh, hang on...
 
Forgot, the book would probably become a cults religious text, and the cünts would send all their worldly goods
 
Dunno if I can be arsed anymore to be honest. Might drip feed a few more bits onto here but I still don't think it's good enough for a real book that people would buy.
I don't think anybody makes much money from writing unless you're already a celebrity, really good at it or incredibly lucky.

However, it's a great buzz to see the proof copy of the paperback and humbling when you see your book on a best seller list on Amazon.

You also get to chat to really interesting people. I've spoken to Tom Kinneally and Keith Windshuttle since the book came out. If you're single it's also good in attracting posh birds.

The number of sub categories on Amazon means that best seller status isn't difficult assuming you've got a few mates and relatives.

Give it a go;worse case scenario is that you'll leave something for your kids and grand kids to read and know you were alive; best case, the book does well and makes the payments for the Lexus.

However, the best thing is the quiet sense of achievement that you'll feel at the next dinner party that you attend and you listen politely to some "wannabe" whose banging on about the book their "gonna write".
 
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Ravers - DO NOT PUBLISH!

Reason, Mrs Ravers will then know all the dits and I'm sure way back in this thread was a bit about her being kept in innocence of some of the Jacky stuff that went on!
 
Saw this doing the rounds on Facebook the other week and decided to steal it.

It's Exeter coming home from the Falklands.

Notice the scorch marks from launching the darts. I seem to recall Exeter managed to splash two.

In another thread we were having a discussion about having to repaint everything after a shoot.
View attachment 275343
Water is the answer. Lots of water.

We can fire ballistic missiles or TLAM without so much as a warm spot, let alone paint damage!!
 
Well, I'm going to be deadly dull and serious about publishing it.

You are still young - you have a lot in front of you - you imply so - part time engineering degree etc.

Just as stuff people posted on twitter or on facebook when they were kids ten years ago comes back to bite them when they reach some sort of public prominence, these memoirs could come back to hurt you.

You might say " oh everyone I know knows" you may say " I don't give a fuck what people think", you may say " they can't hurt me".

Well you don't know what sort of position in life you may be when you are 50.

You do not know, what your ambitions may be in twenty years' time.

You may say now "fuck off I'll never want to stand for Parliament/ I'm not interested in that Chief Executive's job/ they've suggested going for a commission in the RNR WTF would I want that?"
Well that is now.
I repeat - you don't know what you will want in 10/20 years time.

You don't know what "you will want" when you reach that point when you reach the peak of your career/ professional life.

Don't kid yourself that writing under a pseudonym will protect you - if it became even modestly sucessful - your identity will come out. These days it always comes out.

For a few thousand pounds at best is it worth the risk to a future?

Do you need any money from the book?
Average income for a UK author is around £10k.


Do you have another book , and another, and another, you could write?
Unless you can keep the stuff coming - writing is not a job that can support you.

Look - it's a great read , it's funny, I enjoy reading it.
Though I would say it's funny for us here on arrse - for anyone else - well not so sure.
And you can be certain that some people will hate it, and form a very negative opinion of you.
I don't agree with them but a lot of people won't like it.
If you had absolutely nothing to lose - were 60, retired on a full secure pension I'd say go ahead, but that isn't you.

I know I'm being a cautious boring f*cker.

But just saying.
 
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Ravers, don't listen to all the naysayers. If you want to write a book, write a book. No one knows what the future holds - you might get knocked off a bike tomorrow.

Go through life without regrets. I'm sure your missus knows pretty much what you got up to, and also understands that you had a life before her (for all you know, her pre-Ravers life might shock you....). Everyone has skeletons in the closet. So what if you stand for MP and the other party try to make hay out of your drunken party with Thailands top-flight lady-boys - its not a crime.

Go for it. Never, ever, listen to those who say "no".
 
Well, I'm going to be deadly dull and serious about publishing it.

You are still young - you have a lot in front of you - you imply so - part time engineering degree etc.

Just as stuff people posted on twitter or on facebook when they were kids ten years ago comes back to bite them when they reach some sort of public prominence, these memoirs could come back to hurt you.

You might say " oh everyone I know knows" you may say " I don't give a **** what people think", you may say " they can't hurt me".

Well you don't know what sort of position in life you may be when you are 50.

You do not know, what your ambitions may be in twenty years' time.

You may say now "**** off I'll never want to stand for Parliament/ I'm not interested in that Chief Executive's job/ they've suggested going for a commission in the RNR WTF would I want that?"
Well that is now.
I repeat - you don't know what you will want in 10/20 years time.

You don't know what "you will want" when you reach that point when you reach the peak of your career/ professional life.

Don't kid yourself that writing under a pseudonym will protect you - if it became even modestly sucessful - your identity will come out. These days it always comes out.

For a few thousand pounds at best is it worth the risk to a future?

Do you need any money from the book?
Average income for a UK author is around £10k.


Do you have another book , and another, and another, you could write?
Unless you can keep the stuff coming - writing is not a job that can support you.

Look - it's a great read , it's funny, I enjoy reading it.
Though I would say it's funny for us here on arrse - for anyone else - well not so sure.
And you can be certain that some people will hate it, and form a very negative opinion of you.
I don't agree with them but a lot of people won't like it.
If you had absolutely nothing to lose - were 60, retired on a full secure pension I'd say go ahead, but that isn't you.

I know I'm being a cautious boring f*cker.

But just saying.
Sod that mate, everyone knows who the lucky, lucky, fucker is anyway.
 

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