Why is it always gipping people who like to get naked in public? Walking across a nudist beach, it's never the bronzed, slender, neatly-shorn 18-year-old nubile female beauties lying there on the sand topping up their tans, but gopping fat middle-aged women with their ample giblets hanging out and their minges joining up neatly with their armpit hair, and equally fat middle-aged men with weathered and shrivelled tackle that looks like some oversized grolly hanging down from the ceiling in a horror movie looking equally gopping for the "benefit" of the ladies. On the other hand, public nudity after a few pints can be extremely amusing, if done in an imaginative way -- the well-timed streak, the nude bar, curling one out for effect, leaving a paralytic bezzer without clothes, the amusing and classic cÃ¶ck-in-mouth-of-sleeping-bloke photograph, 3 Para mortars, or a Booty daisy-chain on the front page of a national newspaper. Unfortunately, this usually involves blokes. Whilst comedy is an end in itself, it would be much more pleasurable to watch attractive females carrying out the same acts, for obvious reasons. So why is it that the attractive women are embarrassed, thinking that they have something to hide, whereas the hippocrocagorillapigs are quite happy to bare all for Britain? Surely it should be the other way around! And why is it us blokes who end up involuntarily undressing and running around bollocky after one too many sherries at Christmas whilst the girls just trip over on their improbable stilettos, vomit in the toilet, and cry?