Pub Generals

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by sfub, Mar 15, 2010.

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  1. A recent Sunday lunch pint was ruined by a local who knowing I had been a soldier regaled me with "What we should be doing in Afghanistan". He seemed to think that (a) I'd agree with him, and (b) that the army is missing a trick by not employing him as a "policy consultant". He didn't get that I was so low on the military food chain that I just didn't care...

    Is it just me, or does everyone get annoyed/bothered by throbbers who seem to think shelf stacking in the local 99p store gives them a remarkable insight into the Miltary/Industrial/Political workings of the world?
  2. To quote from 'Picking up the Brass'

    " My aunty Mary told me I'd make a great soldier, though I don't know how 30 years working in a biscuit factory qualified her to make that judgement"

    It's true, lots of civvies who's only experience of the military and operations is playing Xbox and watching war films feel both suitably qualified and almost duty bound to comment on all matters military to anyone who is/was in and I'm with you, it gets on my tits.
  3. My mum always reckoned I'd be an amazing soldier because I was tidy and organised. How wrong she was :D
  4. I have to admit that they annoy me more as I get older... I seethe visibly now when they start.
    I've noticed looking through here tonight (I'm at work and it's veeeeeery quiet) that there are a few posters who seem to think that they were unappreciated in their time in the army as they went unnoticed as a potential CDS... no names, but those who would argue black is white, and are frightening in their knowledge of obscure military facts. (Usually facts that happened on a cold, dark night)
  5. Ask what they do and see if you can wind them up:

    BA/Fire Brigade - Strikes.
    BT, Water, Gas, Electricity companies - ask why they charge so much and do fuk all?
    Builders - see above.
    Politicians/lawyers - Robbing bunch of kuntz.
    Plumbers - fuk knows; I can't speak Polish.
    Teachers - time off/paedophiles.
    Estate agents - See politicians

    Feel free to add.
  6. Sarcasm is the only way to deal with people like this.

    Saying unbelievable over and over in a very loud voice like you have just twigged on they have found a cure for cancer works for me.

    You can adapt this by stringing out the un-be-lieve-able to make it sound even more ridiculous.

    Eventually even very drunk people realise you are taking the piss.
  7. I've always been my mum's little soldier :D
  8. You're a fucking wank cook though, and I am attempting to hold my own in chat at the moment.

    If you loved me.........
  9. But you'll have made a cunt of yourself by then...
  10. I cannot, for the life of me, understand why people wlll mouth off about something they know nothing about. I have a friend who has been in Army (US) for 39 years. He is very, very senior. The one subject we never talk about is the war. He knows far more than i do and and spends his days surrounded by senior officers who know far more than I do. We just talk about neighbors, old friends, wine, ice hockey, baseball.....
    Someone whose life is the military sometimes likes to talk about other things.
  11. Snow plough driver- tip up to work just as the thaw sets in.
    Gritter driver- dont bother to do anything just tell people there is no salt.
    Teachers/firemen/anything to do with building or repairing anything on military establishments- bone idle b@stards
    Polititians-talk sh1t jst to get the vote but dont really care
    Taxi drivers- know everything and rule everything.
    I hate those civvy tossers that go down our local Legion just cos the ale is cheap, you should feck off if you have not served in any of the services you do not deserve to be in there and that includes the bloke that drives the sausage sandwhich van around at NAAFI break.
  12. You might think that now, but in a few years, when you're COS, you'll remember my wise words. We get an awful lot of time to think, stacking those shelves. And then there's detailed conversations I have with Derek from Stores - his knowledge of the Waziristan campaigns is beyond measure and his fork-lift truck driving has made him an expert in manoeuvre warfare. Between us, we have covered all the bases - and I don't just mean Bastion.

    Indeed, an experienced SNCO, I recently gave a lecture to, seemed to think I made a battle-hardened major look like the archetypal 2nd Lt fresh out of training.



    ... oh, hang on, maybe he said it the other way round. Now that I dwell on it, I think Derek and I ended up buying all the beers as well ...
  13. You don't have to go down the pub to meet armchair generals, there's hundreds on here who've never served.
  14. That bloke gets around a bit. Only he was in one of my locals on Wednesday evening last week, telling me to hold the bells on the fruity.

    Imagine my dismay when I didn't win... Shortly followed by him announcing, "Fuck me, that's never happened before mate!"

    No apology though - the twat!
  15. I'd like to confess something here, to clear my conscience. I once, in a fit of rage, said words equivalent to, "You don't know man. You weren't there."

    I was working as a cleaner, having de-mobbed and one of my colleagues, Br**n was a 50 yr old Guardian reader who was convinced he was one of life's victims. He always knew best, and in conversation seemed to be on permanent transmit, convinced that everyone was interested in the shite he was spouting.

    One day, he turned his attention to Ops in sandy places. He went on for a full ten minutes about how it's outrageous how troops are going "straight from the drill square to the front lines", some "with only 30 days training".

    Being the kind soul that I am, I tried to set him right, explaining that the training prior to an op tour is extensive and top notch, and that even a rookie such as Rantallion had received 240 days of high quality training prior to deployment (including STAB P1, P2).

    He interrupted me halfway through with something like, "No, it's not like that. Trust me. Some of us are in the know. Get your head out of the sand and actually look at what's going on out there."....

    That's when, I confess, I said the words I swore I would never say.

    "Look nob, who was actually there less than six months ago? You or me? Stop talking."

    The coffee room was silent for the rest of the day. I felt well bad.