Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by ouyin, Aug 8, 2006.

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  1. Right legal boffs, I have a problem, lately we have been receiving visits from doorstep evangelists, and despite making it obvious that they are not welcome, we are continuing to receive these enlightening visits, is there any kind of law to prevent this particular type of annoyance? Failing that, could I just throw water bombs at them?

  2. I may have an air gun you can borrow
  3. Or follow them, find out where they live, and go round 3 times a day trying to make them convert to satanism.

    That really annoys them
  4. untallguy

    untallguy Old-Salt Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Two options I am aware of:

    1. A friend answered the door naked (he was in the shower and was thought it was wife back from work minus her keys).

    He opened the door with just his head poking round and heard the phrase "Hello, we're from the [insert well-known evangelical group] and we would like to speak with you about God". At this point, he opened the door wide open, displayed himself and said, "Please come in". He has not been bothered since.

    2. Another chum had a sheep's skull mounted in the hall, visible through the open front door (was sharing a house with a zoology student and had drunkenly put the skull on the wall one night).

    The door was opened to the evangelists who got as far as "We would like to speak with you about..." before they noticed the skull, the blood drained from their faces and they left multo rapido.
  5. You could always try the same solution as the woman in Bursledon, just outside of Southampton. She put up a sign saying "Our dogs are fed on Jehovah's Witnesses". This worked okay for about thirty years, then the Hampshire Plod, obviously feeling bored as they had eradicated all crime and anti-social behaviour from the County, sent a couple of their finest round to tell her "Take it down, or you're nicked". Some Plod just don't have a sense of humour. :x
  6. ouyin..

    i'm a legal boff..your best bet is to slap 'em with an ASBO...anyone familiar with that annoying w@nker who used to stand in the middle of oxford circus with a megaphone talking shite about the church of love (or summat)?

    he got removed with an ASBO and the lawyer whose case it was won the Law Society's Lawyer of the Month..

    go daaaahn the council and tell them to sort it out...
  7. Ever heard of Claymore?
  8. Anyone ever posted to Inglis barracks in Mill Hill? Across the road is the equivalent of ATR for Jehovas Witnesses. Every day there are literally hundreds and hundreds of them being deployed from the place by foot, vehicle, public transport - everything.
  9. or a mounted GPMG at your front door.
  10. hmm restraining order on all people like that for 100 miles around your house ! should do the trick , so they can't stand back with a mega phone and try and talk to you
  11. Napalm. LOTS of napalm.
  12. the following speech after you have opened the door shoiuld do the trick:

    'come in, come in & together we shall praise be-elzibob, king of the underworld, do-er of great evil works' ;
    how do you like your chickens blood, warm or chilled?

  13. Get there numbers and addresses. If they are separate orgs then just report each as a nuisance case to the police, if they don't work see about going around to their meetings and shitting in the presence, on the floor and the like...

    ...or just kill em... :twisted:
  14. I find that my rottweiler helps a lot. You ought to buy one then say that you think your dog is possessed by the devil. Ask them to have a chat with it in your front room. Then let it jump the **** all over them. They wont be back it's a guarantee. Or you could tell them to take their search for peace to the middle east where it will be better received.

    Or tell them you are an 'Atheist'.

    Remember 'a rottweiler is for life' 'not for christians'.
  15. AlienFTM

    AlienFTM LE Book Reviewer

    I prefer (courtesy Bo-Rhap):

    I am terribly sorry, but Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me.

    At least Jehova's witness smiled as I closed the door in his face.