Prison too comfy to merit escape!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by k13eod, Apr 25, 2008.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. On the BBC today:

    So what would changes would you make in prisons to encourage escape attempts and what measures would you employ to prevent them 8)

  2. Easy answer Look at an episode of Porridge
    Bunk beds, two to a room slopping out No TV very little home comforts. Time off for good behaviour and added time for bad behaviour.Kids who do Basic training have it less cushy than some prisoners. Compulsory work Projects for all offenders. Lets get back to prison being prison not Butlins!
  3. I would allow prisoners to come and go as they please, as long as it was via a rubble chute lined with fish hooks and salt...

    On a lighter note, hot water once a fortnight. No TV, or allow TV sets but don't provide aerials. I'm quite liberal though so I would allow them to have a video in each room. A betamax one.

    White noise for 12 hours each day. For the other 12 I would let them listen to the greatest hits of aqua and the cheeky girls on a loop.
  4. Chain gangs have got to be the answer. Get the scotes out working at 5 in the morning doing all the sh!te jobs no one else wants to do like digging out ditches, picking up all the cr@p that litters our motorways and railways and picking vegetables ... might not need hordes of eastern europeans that way. No satelite TV, no pool tables or games, cold water, basic food and lights out an hour after evening meal after they have slopped out, hand washed their clothes and written an apology for their crimes. And lots of drill. And PT. And only one visit per month.
  5. Well theres a suprise. :roll:

    3 People to a cell and a choice between BBC world Service or educational videos for entertainment.

    3 Square meals a day served at 6 - 12 -6 oclock

    No games equipment other than cards. No cigarettes, No access to any drugs (Smack heads beware) and a key one in my eyes... No gym equipment. If you want to get fit do press ups and sit ups and run round the yard during your 'schoolesque' Play time before dinner and before evening meal!
  6. It's be great sharing a cell with Fletch wouldn't it? It's be a right larf.
  7. Are you still talking about prison? Or camp bastion?
  8. Where do you think i got my inspiration from :twisted:
  9. I love to see that, but trouble with chain gangs is a) it would never be allowed to actually chain them b) the guards wouldnt be able to carry shotguns unlike our enlightened american cousins. So I suspect the scrotes would scatter to the four winds within seconds.

    No wonder Liarbour claims our prisons are overcrowded - they're so much like the bloody Ritz that the crooks are lining up for a room!

    Nine in the morning and already my outrageometer is rocketing. :x
  11. Not if the punishment was No if's or buts 10 YEARS. No appeal, No more reward of being outside the prison fora few hours a day... Getting to see women etc.
  12. oooh, do NOT get me started on this one!!!

    Several years ago, HMPS tried to run a 'Boot Camp' regime at Thorn Cross Prison, int'North, proper room inspections, drill, asault courses etc...
    Manned by ex-squaddie Prison Officers.
    Guess what.,, the plug on that one got pulled by the 'pink and fluffy, let's give them all a group hug and they'll suddenly stop being bad people, human rights/wooly do-gooder,tree hugging brigade'...... because apparently, the inmates didn't like it!!! how very bloody sad for them!

    Afew years ago,i was in America, on an exchance with their Air National Guard, and on the Edge of Volk Field Air Base, in sunny Wisconsin, there was an actual 'proper' boot camp.
    I id'd myself, as HMPS and was given a guide tour.
    Outside their cookhouse, they had pull up bars, ad dip beaks, and the inmates had to do 20 reps of each, just to prove they were hungry enough to be allowed into the cookhouse!!! IMAGINE THAT HERE??
    Proper 'stand by your beds' EVERY hour, on the hour!!!

    Who says the Americans are stupid???
  13. ooops, sorry for mong spelling,
    should read ''pull up bars, and DIP BEAMS''
  14. Prison isn't too bad, we, oops! they even get to use the internet and you still get paid your army pension while your inside. :wink:
  15. Drugs are cheaper inside than out, you don't have to drag yourself out of bed to sign on each and every single fortnight, you can get all the nooky you want - sometimes even with a woman, apparently - so why should you want to go back outside? People will only expect you to live up to certain standards.

    First positive encouragement to avoid work, now positive encouragement to avoid honesty! What a wonderful country we live in.