Robbed from the SAMA82 Forum: Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing her seatbelt. Pavarotti meets Princess Diana in heaven. He says "I wish I had a halo as big as yours." She replies "F*** off you fat bastard. It's a steering wheel". Freddie Mercury, Versace and Princess Di arrive at the Pearly gates. St Peter explains that only one can get through and that they each have to put forward their case for entry. Freddie says "I know I haven't led a perfect life and I've made some mistakes along the way, but I've made some of the most beautiful music in the world. I'll stand at the back of heaven, and serenade everybody with my wondrous songs, making heaven a far happier place to be." "Pretty good, Fred" said St Peter, "what about you Gianni?" Versace says, "I make the most beautiful clothes in the world. I'll completely redesign the fashions up here, from the archangels to the cherubs to the choirboys. As you well know Pete if you look good you will feel good and that will make heaven a much happier place" "Not bad" says St Peter. "What about you Di?" Diana doesn't say a word, instead she lifts up her skirt and pulls down her knickers, inserts a full bottle of Evian water into her arse, lets the water shoot up inside her and then gush out all over the floor. "Excellent, you're in" says St Peter. "Hold on a minute" says Freddie "She didn't even say anything" "Bollocks, Fred you know the rules" says St Peter, "A royal flush beats a pair of Queens..." How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her Head And Shoulders in the glove compartment. Why is Princess Diana like the Queen Mum? One died at 101 and the other at 101 mph. What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Princess Diana? Only two people saw Madeleine's burial. What have Princess Diana and landmine got in common? They have both been laid by Arabs What's the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda? Princess Diana wouldn't be seen dead in a Skoda. What's the difference between Princess Diana and Victoria Beckham? At least Victoria's bloke can take corners. What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last big hit was The Wall. What was the last thing that went through Princess Diana's head before she died? The steering wheel What did Princess Diana do when she heard the driver had been drinking? She hit the roof. What would Princess Diana be doing now if she was still alive? Scratching the f*** out the lid of her coffin What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40. What's the difference between Elton John and Princess Diana? One of them's composing, the other decomposing. What do princess diana and the twin towers have in common? They were both f***ed by arabs. Princess Diana. The only posh bint ever to enter a tunnel wearing a tiara... and come out wearing a bonnet. Thanks to Princess Diana, Hyde Park has that lovely fountain...and Paris has that lovely SLOW DOWN sign Princess Diana was on the radio before she died.... And the dash board Why did Elton John sing at Princess Diana's funeral? Because he was the only queen that gave a damn. Disney are making a film about Princess Diana's various affairs. It's called Pocyahighness What do you get if you rearrange the letters in Princess Diana? Snap! Dies In Car What's the one word that could have saved Princess Diana's life? Taxi. What did the Queen say when she heard Princess Diana died in a car smash? "Was Fergie with her?" Why was Princess Diana so thin? Crash diet What's the difference between Princess Diana and Elton John? Princess Diana didn't become a Queen of England. Did you hear they're blaming a specific tabloid for Princess Diana's death? The Paris Post. Why did Princess Diana always act like a baby? Because she was always sucking on a Dodi! What was the last thing that went through Princess Diana's head before she died? The windscreen!