Pressie Ideas for a Copper

Alright so my old man is deploying (the right word) to Afghan soon through the foreign office, on attachment to EUPOL, and I'm looking for a decent Christmas present idea that would help him whilst he is out there. I was thinking of getting him decent knee pads but then realised that he's probably going to do sod all kneeling down, as he'll be stuck in a compound for most of the time. So I've decided to seek the infinite wisdom of ARRSE; as this is the NAAFI I expect some decent and original answers. In your own time, go on...
A Fleashlight you can say its a multi-tool he can use it as a trunchon when he's not emptying his seed into it. If he complains tell him you thought it was a flash light you were ordering
A conscience and enough self-worth to stop him aggressing against those with no prospect of fighting back might be a start. Add some courage, integrity, and stones, and he could (almost) be a real man by boxing day.

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