Pressie Ideas for a Copper

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Empty_Vacuum, Dec 8, 2011.

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  1. Alright so my old man is deploying (the right word) to Afghan soon through the foreign office, on attachment to EUPOL, and I'm looking for a decent Christmas present idea that would help him whilst he is out there. I was thinking of getting him decent knee pads but then realised that he's probably going to do sod all kneeling down, as he'll be stuck in a compound for most of the time. So I've decided to seek the infinite wisdom of ARRSE; as this is the NAAFI I expect some decent and original answers. In your own time, go on...
  2. Body bag? Self sealing, labelled for UK return...?
  3. A Fleashlight you can say its a multi-tool he can use it as a trunchon when he's not emptying his seed into it. If he complains tell him you thought it was a flash light you were ordering
  4. You were close with the knee pads.

    He will appreciate them while he sucks off his boss everyday.
  5. Never mind getting him a pressie... how about getting yourself something? A box of O.M.O. for your window, perhaps?
  6. Millets have got a sale on moral compasses at the moment.
  7. perhaps some inferiority complex cream and a sense of humor!
  8. Being the festive season, may I suggest some Balls, for his tree of course,
  9. New truncheon?
  10. A double newspaper subscription.

    May I suggest

    The daily mail

    Guaranteed to keep his spirits up whilst away.
  11. 2 identical notebooks
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  12. A vasectomy so he can't make the same mistake twice.
  13. Wet wipes and a bumper box of kleenex and on DVD you want Big Boob Bangeroo 1-20.
  14. A nice new battering stick, prisoners, battering for the use of.
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  15. A conscience and enough self-worth to stop him aggressing against those with no prospect of fighting back might be a start. Add some courage, integrity, and stones, and he could (almost) be a real man by boxing day.
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