1. After watching a re-run of the Munsters, Roman Abramovich realises he has employed Uncle Fester as his manager. within days, he goes to Portugal and begs Jose to come back 2. The real Andrei Shevchenko returns from his 18 month sabbatical, and the look-a-like taxi driver from Walthamstow who has been playing in his place leaves 3. Arsene Wenger admits finally that sometimes his players do naughty things and it is not everyone else's fault. Eboue starts a fight with himself in a toilet cubical and flushes his head down the toilet 4. Sir Alex Ferguson is sacked after being found drunk - again 5. Rafa Benitez names an unchanged side for 2 games running 6. The FA suddenly realise that they are responsible for the game and grow some balls, develop a youth structure and invest in coaching 7. All premier league clubs realise that the fans are what they are there for, and so limit ticket prices to a maximum of £20 per match. Terracing is re-introduced 8. Ronaldo does a stepover too many, trips over a long blade of grass and shatters both his knee-caps. This proves a lesson to all players who "exaggerate" (by the way, how is Fabregas'es cheekbone, poor lad) and diving is driven from the game Any more?