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War Hero
Okay, well, the other day I had the good news that my wife was pregnant, early days only weeks but you know what I have a niggling feeling about this.

About 6 months ago my wife suffered with a misscarriage and was a hell to live with, she took everything out on me, snapped at everything I done and was basically a complete b1tch. I was really good, I tried sitting her down, being sensitive and being really nice ( I have my moments ) and you know being there for her. I really wanted the kid and gutted that it never came to full fruit due to a blighted ovum. It got so bad that we nearly split up.

So here I am, same sit rep and waiting for the 3 mths mark (nearly 2 mths away), I'm pretty scared but want everything to go well.

Any women been in this boat?

How did you feel? (Yes I have tried asking but where I wear my heart on my sleeve, she shuts down...



War Hero
never had a miscarriage myself, but witnessed the aftermath of one last week.

First couple of months of every pregnancy is going to be the most worrying, espec due to previous events. All you and your mrs can do is keep stress levels down, if she starts arguing with you (dont walk away that will wind her up even more) dont retaliate. just keep chilled out.

Sadly some babies are never meant to develop, and you cant prevent it.

What your wife went through is undescribable, as close as you may be to her, she went through it, and literally nothing you can say or do will make it better. Dont push her into speaking about it, she will if she wants to.

Hope the next 8 weeks go smoothly.:)
My wife had a miscarriage when I was on my CTW, looking back it was a case of wasnt meant to be, tears were shed and sadly life goes on
My sister went through similar - I've seen what a strain it can be. I'm afraid it really is a case of wait and see. You will feel like you're treading on eggs the whole time but being pg turns your hormones upside down at the best of times never mind the added strain the two of you are under from the last time. I hope it all works out for you both.
We suffered two miscarriages in the last 2 years, it broke our hearts. My wife got very depressed. we knew we must keep trying. It was one of the hardest things i have ever had to go through.
10 months ago she fell pregnant again, I was absolutely terrified of going through the same thing again. but we hoped and prayed. the six week mark passed and all was well although we had a few scares.
I am very pleased to say that 4 weeks ago we had a lovely baby girl.

We got through it by telling ourselves "whats meant, is meant" I also got my wive a puppy and that helped her take her mind off things.

We never gave up and just because it happens once or even twice does not mean it will happen again.

my wife also gained a lot of support from the website ivillage

best of luck


I myself lost four before i went on to have two boys.

You will always worry until baby is safely delivered.

All women react differently.



War Hero
We were trying for a little one for ages,
and I had sort of given up hope.
One night I was on the mother and father of all sessions
and as I was creeping in at 0600, there she was at the top of the stairs
1001 excuses went through my mind but all she said was I got a positive repsonse

This unborn lad had generated a smoke screen for his old man-
a Couple of weeks later we went for the 8 weeks scan and
he was strong enough to pass his fitness test at grade 2

then at week 12 we were getting the second scan and there was no heart beat
the little lad had gone-
We were devastated- my heart broke there and then,
but the training kicked in because there was stuff to be done and organised.
The little lad had to be taken out.
For the next couple of days all I could do was make her egg banjos
hold her tight and when she was crying try to take her mind of it by
playing charades that made no sense or anything to try and make her laugh and stop her crying,
When she was asleep I went over it in my head as to why , what had we done and how come every idiot that seemed to smoke could carry to full term. None of it made sense or seemed fair

The weeks went on, and I bought a tree with a name very close to what we were going to call Zero Alpha and I left it at our front door so we would never forget the lad.

it was the hardest thing we have ever had to get through but we came out of this as a stronger couple

So mate, remember everyone gets through it in there own way and at a different pace

let her get through it at her own time and equally as imprtant let yourself get through it at your own time.

Mate Best of luck for round 2
We also have a tree outside the door to remind us.
Like hedgie says, you will see many pregnant women and babies. they seem to be everywhere and you will go to the hospital and see women outside smoking just before they are due. it really annoys you and you say why us? what did we do wrong.


War Hero
It's very hard. I have been through it. Now have 2 great wee ones. It was an awful battle to get thru'. Hope everything is OK. As an insensitive military guy it made me wisen up and realise that wee ones and family are the raison d'etre that we exist. Look after your wife. Be safe and I will have a wee prayer said for you in church tommorow.

Be strong big lad & use your strength of character to be gentle. If it helps try the Padre. They are a great source of help and support.

Take care

she doesn't mean to shut down on you mate,she just can't deal with your grief and worry as well as her own. Don't be offended,she knows you are there and that's the important thing. Try to be positive, there's no reason why this baby won't happen,keep your chin up and try to relax. I think its safe to say we are all rooting for you!
Thanks for pointing out the forum, I merely responded to a post Stephanie made...

I have seen and gone through a miscarriage, granted, not through my own uterus, womb and ovum etc but witnessed all the same I just wanted to compare. I forgot to video it

If the thread was aimed at gaining sympathy and pysicophantic dribble it might be better lobbed in rear party instead of dragging them over here


Well said Dozy Bint. :thumright:

Folk have been brave to tell their stories to support/help Delinquent.

I am sure that we dont see flippant posts on threads to our fallen, but should we start that as well. I think not!
Arrse can be used for the greater good as well as p1ss taking.
Try and have some more respect

Delinquent I am sure your situation is in the thoughts of many that posted.
Good luck fella!
A miscarried infant is just one chav out of the food chain, be grateful, it probably wasn't even yours...hence the disappointment.
Moodybitch said:
A miscarried infant is just one chav out of the food chain, be grateful, it probably wasn't even yours...hence the disappointment.
Really disapointed with you Moody......

You should have at least offered him the chance to go halves on an abortion.
Lets face it, they're both a bit sh!t.

People post on Arrse for different reasons. There are those who use Arrse as a bit of relief and escape from the real world. That would include me. My job is dull as fcuk. Others view it is as a web community, and an extention of the military ethos and environment. IMHO it is not for one user, however long they've been here, to dictate to others how they should view the site. There are suitable outlets for the needs of some in places such as the Naafi. One can't have the whole site to one's self. That's just greedy.

My sympathies Delinquent. Let her know her actions are upsetting you and hopefully she might see you as someone to share the grief with, rather than fight against.


delinquent said:
Any women been in this boat?

How did you feel? (Yes I have tried asking but where I wear my heart on my sleeve, she shuts down...
Talking from experience when i found out I had miscarried, i felt awkward, i wasn't sure how i was supposed to feel. I had no great sense of loss, for me it was hard to miss something you've never had or known. But i was aware of all the sympathy from my family & friends, offering to do things, giving up pearls of wisdom, contacting support groups etc.... Feelings went from awkard to confused to guilt because i wasn't experiencing the huge sense of loss that others arround me expected.

The following year i conceived and went on to have healthy little girl, who is very much my driving force for everthing I do and whom i couldn't ever be without.

As always everyone's experience is unique to their own circumstances, with no right or wrong answers. I believe one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage & whilst that doesn't offer any comfort, one thing to note is that she's not on her own.

"There but for the grace of god" as my granny would say (until she had a stroke in 2004, now she just dribbles.)
Talking about lessons learnt, hopefully this will be that last time a serious thread is downgraded to Naffi bar standards.
The Naffi has a sign stating that it "can be nasty" so lets leave the comments in there.
I'm not going to start a slanging match with Stabtiffy, Here is neither the time nor the place.
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