Pregnant girlfriend, start training in 3 weeks?

Discussion in 'Join the Army - Regular Soldier Recruitment' started by 18L7, Jan 13, 2011.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Right got a bit of a dilemma, Im starting basic training very soon and ive just found out my girlfriend is pregnant. Not joining the Army is out of the question but im worried I will be sent abroad after training, ( joining Mercians ) and i wont be around for my child and girlfriend. I spoke with her about the options and her coming with me isn't yet possible as the Uni course shes on allows her to take a maternity year out, So there's only 2 things we can do at the moment, hope i get my 1st choice and go to 1Mercian (Based in Yorkshire), or sadly her getting an abortion :-| .
    So basicaly what do people think i should do?, Im really confused, I 100% want a career in the Army and want to be there for my child, but im 20 and shes 19 so i cant expect her to move abroad, although she has said in the future she will. Sorry for going on. How certain is it that you get your Battalion of choice? any advice appreciated.
  2. If you 100% want the Army then you should go for it, if you do get posted abroad then there is no reason you can't bring girlfriend and mini-18L7 in tow being 19 isn't really a good reason and as she said she's up for it then whats the problem? If that doesn't work try tripping her down the stairs :) Sorry I'll go...
  3. 18L7.

    Forget about going abroad for the moment, you will find it hard enough to be there for her during your infantry training in Catterick.

    Let's not make any bones about this. Your predicament will be hard. You are heading for some testing times.

    Abortion as an option? That is all down to you two (75% in her favour). There are birds out there who get REALLY screwed up by abortions. So whilst it is an avenue, it is one I would approach with caution and make sure that she, and you, get ALL of the relevant information, support making the descision, etc.

    You are going be VERY busy for the next 30 odd weeks. The chances of you getting up to her may be slim to remote at times. You need to realise that and as a couple come to terms with it.

    After that you could be sent to whichever Bn that needs you, not whichever Bn you wish to attend. Likewise you need to explore the future of that Bn. All very well getting posted to 1Bn this year, if sometime in 2012 1Bn and 2Bn do the Light Role swap and bop.

    I would ensure you both sit and down and chat about what the future holds, and what you need to do as a couple. Has she any support at home/where you are from?

    When you arrive at CIC inform the staff straight away of your situation.

    It isn't about turning you in to a welfare case or what have you but you can start getting information straight away, if you are not happy about talking to your sect commander etc, you can ALWAYS speak to the Padre and similar welfare people.

    It could also allow you to be posted to the Bn of your choice, rather another Bn. If it just bums on seats, then it is possible for some of you to be placed in Bns to your benefit.

    As an added thought, does she need to do the course? 1 year maternity break is one thing, but will she want to go back to it when the kid is 1 eyar old? That isn't to say that she shouldn't study, or go to Uni but you could explore other options. Could she put it all off for the time being? She's young, she's got the time to go back in to it at a later date. Likewise there are many part time courses or distance learning packages. Her current learning could be counted to such endeavours.

    One thing I will add at the end. The GF and kid following you abroad or even else where in the country. The Army don't recognise your predicament as 'marriage', so you will not get a quarter. Private hirings are the only way they will accompany you.

    The Padre is always a good starting point, he wont spill the beans if you don't want him too, and he could arrange a chat with your gf too. Does she, and you, know what she is getting in to.

    There is no template to life, you are never to young in years. It is purely down to your character and how you deal with situations in your life.

    Good luck with what ever you choose to do, and of course with your new career.
  4. You're joining the it or not you're likely to miss a fair bit of Juniors early life, it's how it is,whether she gets pregnant NOW or in 5 years. Go to the families tab at the top of the page and visit rearparty to chat to the wives/girlfriends over there. That should give you some idea whether your gf is cut out to be an Army wife.
  5. Thin her out your too young, she will thank you for it in later life when she's not sat in a pad in tidworth or somewhere else as shit.
  6. Forastero

    Forastero LE Moderator

    Anything else constructive to add? Thought not, stay out unless you have.
  7. Basically what the first 3 posters said. I have known people who have fathered 3 kids and not been home for any of their births or birthdays.

    Only you pair can decide what you are going to do. I don't think abortion is an option, it's just a convenience for the pair of you.
  8. Thankyou for all your answers, I suppose this is what i wanted to hear, that it isn't impossible and whatever, but I do realise its going to be hard but its something im going to have to get on with. I've shown my girlfriend these replies and its given her more confidence about it all. We've got alot to think about but this has helped.
    Thankyou for your replies.:)
  9. I'm in a similar situation with the pregnancy my other half is pregnant and I've been told that i'll be starting basic about june/july and she's due on the 17th of july.
  10. Brig, go to the ACIO and ask them if there is any chance of pushing this date back (if you want to). I am sure there could be found a recruit who wishes to start in June/July who would otherwise be starting in August.
  11. I would rather get in sooner and so would she, I just don't want to miss the birth but I should get leave for that anyway shouldn't I.
  12. Get in sooner, see the birth, two weeks paternity leave max, and you think you'll still pass out with the same troop you joined with? Providing you are allowed leave. Is she your wife?

    ACIO. Talk.
  13. I will echo Choc Frog advice & heed it well,

    Bluntly, Your in a situation that many other trainee's have been in past & present, your concerns & worries are understandable but focusing on your training AND completing it as long as your 100% committed, your going to be very busy but using your downtime (which will be limited) as you'll be fairly busy in the evenings prepping kit etc for communication and re-assurance for your family & gf,

    get the facts from your CoC & ACIO,

    lastly knuckle down & good luck in training..
  14. Just like to say that as an Army wife who is looking at this from the opposite view, it's really not the end of the world. Our first child was born when I was living in Cambridge and he was posted to Ripon, he drove back every Friday night and went back every Sunday night, inbetween we had phone calls and emails. We weren't married at this point but although we were married by the time we had the second one, we were still living in our own accommodation with the same weekend arrangement and he spent between 7 & 8 months of the pregnancy out in Iraq coming home about 2 weeks before the birth. I won't say it's easy as it isn't but if you have a strong relationship then you can do it. We now live in MQ and rent our own place out and the only negative thing I will say is that our eldest is a boy who is now 10 and although everything is great and they are both happy adjusted kids, I do feel that he missed out on having a close relationship with his dad in the early years and so he is far closer to me, but then again that's the Army life for you, even now being in MQ we spend a lot of time apart throughout the year. I think your gf needs to look at this from her own point of view first, she needs to decide whether or not she is ready for the commitment of being a single mum - I don't mean this in any way detrimentally, I class myself as a single mum even though I'm very happily married because as an Army wife you end up doing probably around 90% of anything child related alone and it's easier to look on yourself as a single mum who is totally responsible for the child and anything above this is a bonus. I think she should go and talk to someone about the situation and she should definitely think things through from every angle before making a decision, although abortion may seem to be the best option and may very well be the best option, it is something she will have to live with for the rest of her life and she needs to be prepared for that. Good luck with your decision.
  15. That was constructive bell end, and take it from someone who has been a pl Sjt at ITC if he goes in whining on about a preggers girlfriend he will get labelled a G1 case by his Pl staff and hounded.So if I was him I'd either not join thin her out or do what the rest of the army has to do and ******* get on with it.