Pregnancy Scare

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by onfire, Jul 25, 2007.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Well - this is the story ...

    Despite using the Pill and condoms, the current lady Onfire has had two mornings of being sick ... and is now terrified it means she is pregnant. we have decided that there is no keeping it in the WORST case scenario ... and she is having a test run through the doctor - so in a day or two the answer should all be clear.

    I am very keen to be supportive and proactive - so my question to you is this: should i kick her in the stomach or push her down the stairs??

    too sick ... im almost sorry - but Im living it and a giggle would make me feel better ... im not really going to do it
  2. Have your coathanger at the ready when she comes back.
  3. Hot bath and a large bottle of gin used to be the way!!
  4. Hot bath and brandy


    go ahead with pregnancy & sell child to some random celebrity who dioesn't want to get fat themself.
  5. Three words: IS IT MINE?
  6. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Suggest an e-mail to either Madonna or Angelna Jolie, they seem to be trying to collect a full set.
  7. and to think i was careful this time - contraceptive used to be: 'up the bum, no babies'
  8. Get her to shag some bloke with a blobby knob! The body's defences will go into auto abort mode.

    I may know someone who can help in this regard!
  9. Loubella is onto a winner. Have it then flog it!

    Possible suggestions are:

    Medical research
    Buy One Get One Free Adoption Schemes
  10. I thought you got rid of your galloping knob rot.....after shagging the Lezza? :oops:
  11. Do keep up seb he has been with loads since then..
  12. Why not. Stop being a poof and fill her in, you know it's the best thing to do and she'll love you more for it.
  13. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Kicking her down the stairs is the best option, but I would suggest getting some mates around first.

    Place her on the top step, facing backward down the stairs, hoof her in the stomach and get your mates to hold up score cards for artistic impression and style.

    Ooooh, no, stop meself, I'm off to hell in a handcart!

    Alternatively, run away with her sister and leave your missus to make the decisions.
  14. Have you no long term planning? Have it and as soon as it's born, smack it on the head with a claw hammer just hard enough to retard the higher brain functions without killing.

    You now have a ready supply of donor organs for your old age.
  15. Buy a morning after pill and then put it through her food. Problem solved.

    She won't notice untill it is too late. The side effects of the Morning After pill are feeling sick and drowzy. She's feeling like that allready!