Pray. Do I tell?

#1
Was sitting at the pub minding my own business when I was accosted by a drunken patron who wanted to know why I was staring at his girlfriend. I explained to him (very kindly) that I was not.

He swung at me and missed by a mile.

I swung back and connected with the sound of a passing train.

His mates, seeing which way the wind was blowing, waylaid me on the way to the DDmobile. I kept them at at bay till one of the tw.ats pulled out a blade.

I managed to kick it away and then proceeded to slam his empty head into the sidewalk. SOB must have had a thick head because he recovered in about ten seconds and followed his stupid mates away into the darkness.

Question is: do I tell the new Ms DD? She is averse to violence. She is under the impression that if it can be done to someone else, it can be done to her.

An impression which (I believe) stems from a rather riotous childhood.
 
#2
Just tell her that someone called her ugly and that's what started it.

I'm sure you'll get a "reward".
 
#3
Or, you could be honest and tell her, your prone to telling stories to make yourself sound hard on army websites and she would be better off with a real man!

Just a thought.
 
#4
Or you could stick to writing pure fiction and stop passing it off as fact.

Kicked the blade from his hand my a**e!!
 
#5
Devil_Dog said:
Was sitting at the pub minding my own business when I was accosted by a drunken patron who wanted to know why I was staring at his girlfriend. I explained to him (very kindly) that I was not.

He swung at me and missed by a mile.

I swung back and connected with the sound of a passing train.

His mates, seeing which way the wind was blowing, waylaid me on the way to the DDmobile. I kept them at at bay till one of the tw.ats pulled out a blade.

I managed to kick it away and then proceeded to slam his empty head into the sidewalk. SOB must have had a thick head because he recovered in about ten seconds and followed his stupid mates away into the darkness.


Question is: do I tell the new Ms DD? She is averse to violence. She is under the impression that if it can be done to someone else, it can be done to her.

An impression which (I believe) stems from a rather riotous childhood.
FUCKME!!! Chuck Norris is an Arrse member!!!
 
#7
WHOOOP WHOOOP!!!

That'll be the Robbo alarm going off then..

Some of you may have experienced this alarm around Kandahar at the start of 2006. Our 'Robbo' was a legend...in his own lunchtime.. Ex Sniper, Landed a Herc under fire when the Pilot was taken out, had special boots to allow him to walk thru minefields.... amongst other things... He took weapon sights off the canadians to 'repair' them, (hence the fact he was a sniper came to light when the canuck came for his sight back..my how we laughed.) The whoop alarm was dreaded by the Brits, Canadians, Americans, French and Danish. The Taliban even hid when the whoop alarm went off.. One lad would clock Robbo, give the whoops and Bam! 100 Blokes from various nations would up sticks and bug out of the cookhouse as though it was on fire. My dear DD, you have shown the signs of having come into close contact with him. -Either that or you ARE him!
 
#9
YOU BAST*RDS

Give the lad a break, it’s true I was there

His modesty refrained him from telling you that the girl (who incidentally was Lucy Pinder) was so impressed that she persuaded the barmaid (who was Michelle Marsh working part time) to go round the back were they tag teamed him.

That’s why he can’t tell his girlfriend
 
#11
FatBoyGeorge said:
Devil_Dog said:
Question is: do I tell the new Ms DD? She is averse to violence. She is under the impression that if it can be done to someone else, it can be done to her.
Is that the same missus that beats the living shit out of you? Has anybody told you that your a boring twat?
I am a boring t.wat?

Who would have thought it?

And yes. For the record, Mrs. DD has been known to throw karate chops my way, few of which have failed to connect.

If she wasn't averse to violence, I would be dead by now.
 
#12
You are dead. Dead fookin boring.

Go play Jackanory somewhere else.
 
#13
Morons! Morons! I am surrounded by morons!
 
#15
Devil_Dog said:
Morons! Morons! I am surrounded by morons!
Your in the right place then.

Now devil, if you were a certain mortars Sgt i once knew, and you told that story, i would believe you, or like him, when questioned about several jocks being beaten up, his reply was, " i can vouch for 9 of em, i would again believe you/him.

But your not him, so i dont.

I hear JK Rowling is looking for fantasy story ideas, why not give her a call?
 
#16
Sidewalk :? Oh you mean pavement :roll: Sorry Mr Norris :wink:
 
#18
You big dirty fibber

Or in the word of Dame Vera Lynn... 'You lying cnut'
 
#20
Chibber said:
Devil Dog is so hard that when he does press ups, he's not pushing himself up. He's pushing the earth down!!!
Truer words have never been spoken.
 

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