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#3
Ah Brilliant. Why in all the years this site has been running has nobody started a thread about this.

Right I once sent a sprog for-: Tartan Paint, A Long Wait, Cup of Steam, Long Stand.......................................................
 
#6
new sigy straight out the factory came into the office i had the hammer and note prep'd..................................

ME:Sig 'Brown' take this note to the SSM then drop this hammer of at the SQMS, SSM needs the message first its REALLY! important.

Sprog: Yeah no drama's.

about 25 seconds later all i could here was the SSM ripping the poor CNUT a new arsehole, SSM new the score but the poor lad was nearly crying.

SQMS then came out and started going mental, ask where the fcuk his hammer was!

hahahahahahahah
 
#7
These threads are no longer funny because they have had the arse ripped out of them by people that were doing these pranks while a lot of us werent even a twinkle in daddies eye
 
#11
I was told to go to the QM's for a long stand, although not as thick as the person sniggering tell me to do it, hence why I went to the Naafi for 30 min's and came back and told him what he wanted to hear.
 
#13
I think this, along with threads about abusing children directed at Cadet Force AIs, is all that's allowed on the site these days.

FFS don't try & have a sensible debate because the thread will be infested by:

(a) Internet hardmen.
(b) Right wing lunatics, causing the threads to be closed.
(c) Members who shout "racist" at anyone who dares criticise anyone of dusky hue, non-Christian background or overseas parentage.
(d) Ashie/Whet/Sven, although at least these people give us a laugh.
(e) Cadets & never-served Waltenkommandos.

It's a sign of the times ;)
 
#14
dog shite in tissue on door step set light to it then bang on door,run like feck and watch and laff bollox off as owner tries to stamp out flames !!
 
#16
Had a rather annoying 2nd Lt once who was getting on everyones t!ts and; being a) very newly commissioned and b) having won the sword of honour at Sandhurst was a bit up-himslef had ordered (not asked mind you) one of our NCO's to cook his meal for him while he was off doing 'important things'. Unfortunately, said NCO was suffering from rat-pack arrse at the time and so had some powder from the MO to 'help things along'! Said NCO put a weeks worth of senakot in Lt L-J's range stew and presented him with it. The next few days patrols and orders were punctuated by the shout of "OMG.....its coming again!" Followed by the thunder of tiny feet and, a few seconds later some rather bestial noises emanating from the nearest bush/ piece of cover :twisted: Happy days :lol:
 
#17
Get yourself down the stores for a tin of camouflage paint.

Once spent a few days catching cockroaches before removing an air vent off the master chefs caravan and dumping the cockroaches inside.
 
#18
I saw somebody stick a broom handle up a sprogs arse so hard that he passed out and was in hospital for over a week.

It was hilarious.
 
#19
I can remember being on board an LSL in Calais harbour and my mate getting dicked to do the dixxies by some matelot cook when he got in the galley the sink was full of em so when said cook wandered off for a smoke my mate opened the portholes and threw the fecking lot out into the harbour job done !!
 
#20
After a few beers one night in transit type accommodation a few colleagues and I had a bit of craic with an annoying bloke asleep in the room opposite. We crawled in tied paracord to his bed and threaded a fair bit more around the bottom of the other beds. We crawled back out taking the end of the cord that was tied to his bed under his door across the corridor and under our door. After a bit of pulling his bed started moving accross the room, we heard the screams of him waking up followed by the thump of him hitting the floor. You had to be there.
 

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