posting it here cause cant be arssed to post it any where else feel free to move it

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by Joshing-lens, Aug 5, 2011.

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  1. letter to pm
    Dear Mr Cameron, Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK's economy. Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan: There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations: 1) They MUST retire. Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed 2) They MUST buy a new British car. Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed 3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed 4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed 5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week ..... And there's your money back in duty/tax etc It can't get any easier than that! P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know. Also……….. Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home. This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out. They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance. Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell. They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education. Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request. Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens. Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls. There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to. The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out. Think about this (more points of contention): COWS Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria? And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Also; Think about this ... If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is time for us grumpy old folk of Britain to speak up!
     
  2. 1. Only works if we've got ten million people qualified to fill the jobs.
    2. There's virtually no British car industry to provide ten million cars.
    3. Most of them probably already do own a house, it won't provide new houses that are required.
    4. If they're over 50 their kids are unlikely to still be school age and if they were qualified to go to university they probably already would have.
    5. How much will that cost the NHS in increased drink and smoke related diseases?

    Oh, and chain emails that look like a collection of Faceache statuses for throbbers aren't really a basis for either a funny or informative topic.
     
  3. And so suddenly 10m people want British cars - let's call them Morgans for example. What's going to happen to the price of Morgans? Or housing, or whatever.

    What a shite chain mail.
     
  4. glad to see the happy cunts are out tonight
     
  5. Would that not cost £10,000,000,000,000?
    That would be ten thousand billion?
     
  6. What the fuck is this shit. You could have made it readable, have you ever heard of paragraphs? Some good points ruined by amateurish childish writing and as such would not be taken seriously on the political arena. Try again.
     
  7. My Sidney never had a car, it was black.
     
  8. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    I can fucking understand why you're single.
     
  9. Mrs Brady?
     
  10. Miscellaneous it certainly is................where you fail is the Joke bit I'm afraid!