Post Drinking Fallout

#1
As it's the season to be jolly, I thought I'd jump in with both feet and be the jolliest person from jollsville at my works Christmas do last night. Regrettably I am now nursing the mother of all hangovers, it all seemed big and clever last night. :? :D

I'm sitting here feeling right sorry for myself, has anybody got any remedies to deal with the post drinking fall out? :?

I've just amused myself on the potty because the bum broth was as fizzy coming out as it was going down last night, although the Stella didn't smell like the contents of a tramps gusset. I'm just toying with the idea of treating myself to a trump as I write this but im frightened I blat the watercooler behind me. :D
 
#2
I've been running the trumping pot gauntlet all day too after an evenign of Belguims finest export.

Trumping is an absolute no no at the minute and I'm not entirely convinced my ring isn't seeping silage into my undercrackers..... Thank fcuk I'm not wearing a thong.

I know it a mess down there, I stratched my bot about half an hour ago through my jeans and my fingers stank even through a layer of denim and shreddies material......

I'm in fear of sitting on the bog, I just know its going to be one of those gaseous, Blatts that peppers the bog and catches the back of your sack
 
#3
Count yourself lucky! one of my mates went to a City party last night and was found in the early hours of this morning by his wife with his pants around his ankles surrounded by beer cans a half eaten kebab, a box of tissues and a DVD playing very loudly entitled "Ghetto Bitches 5"

If youre hangover feels like a pig has taken a dump in your swede then there is no quick fix i'm afraid other than persuading your local A&E to give you a complete change of blood

The danger of blowing mud will be lessened if you are wearing your customary candy floss thong. This will act like a gritter dispersal system and ensure that the office gets an even covering rather than a high powered cow pat. Face it you are a human muck spreader.

Hope this helps keep us posted
 
#4
Woke up at 0400 wearing "Meat Feast" the new fragrance for men by Luigi's Pizza Palace. I had been dreaming about drinking a waterfall and my mouth felt like it had been gang raped by Imhotep and his mummified zombie army. I've lost my voice from singing "Fairytale in New York" (incl the Kirsty McCall parts) in the style of James Hetfield and people who, from what I remember, were laughing along at my humorous anecdotes last night are no longer talking to me. The very first thing anyone said to me was an angrily issued "you accosted my wife last night" which to be fair I did, but only because I wanted to buy her earings as a chrimbo present for my mum. She wouldn't part with them sadly. I've had three emails from women in the organisation to whom I do not remember speaking, and my ankle feels like I twisted it in a taxi related incident.

I owe someone a pair of glasses too. Bugger.
 
#5
Mighty_doh_nut said:
I'm in fear of sitting on the bog, I just know its going to be one of those gaseous, Blatts that peppers the bog and catches the back of your sack
Ah, yesss..........that indeterminate moment when your offal sac elects to imitate a Winchester Model 12 pump-action...........as has been said before, there is little practical advice to offer, other than:

a. Do NOT lean forward when carrying out defecation drills in your current state. The force will be strong in you it is (especially when The Grippers start on your stomach muscles). Resist! For you will blat your shirt tail (due to drag/lift effect) and the result is that everyone will point at you and laugh horribly.

b. Say 'Hells bllx!' in a manly manner and go and get rat-bummed. Now.
 
#6
Having taken the moral high ground by remaining sober throughout the build up to bug out time I was looking forward to taking the opportunity to post some cod-humorous, sanctimonoious comment, but having just read through these posts all I can feel is a deep sense of depression at having been deprived of opportunity, inclination and even motivation to get horrendously monged and then revel in the post-Tsunami style aftershocks..... its all very sad..... as am I.
 

maninblack

LE
Book Reviewer
#7
MiB is out at the engineering department curry/beer/pavement interface scenario tonight so I would expect that in the morning I will have been the victim of The Gorilla.

Wisely the function has been timed to coincide with a day off for the entire department so that nobody injects their pureed kebab through the CAD system disc drive whilst coughing.
 
#8
Sometimes the hangover just isn't worth it... I've acheived nothing and now have a sore botty due to over wiping.

The gorilla definately visited in the early hours, thankfully he left my wallet alone, but compensated by having his own 'post christmas yuletide log' in my mouth... no matter how many times I brush my teeth and gargle Listerine I still cough a gopping green cloud and my arse stinks like an abortion bucket that been left in the sun.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#9
We have our works Christmas Night out tomorrow. Usual NHS cock up, 237 people put name down as interested in going so let's book a venue that will only hold 200 and that's also how many they've catered for, so now there's a call for volunteers to stand down and not go on razz the morn's night!
 
#10
Reference my last, I have just read MDN's post and am feeling marginally more cheerful!
 
#11
Does anyone else have a problem with snot the day after they've been drinking? I could feed entire african villages with what comes out of my nose when hung over. The undersides of my desk and chair resemble the roofs of bat caves, with dozens of bogey Chiroptera hanging from them as if asleep after a long night of feeding. Also my fingernails get dirty, and I always keep them short so that's no mean feat. At least I wasn't on the pop in The Smoke, the grime that exudes from my orifaces then are nothing short of a damning indictment of industrialisation and pollution.
 
#12
CS is the way ahead. Nursing a head like the Somme on the second day and a state of Dehydration that has me in Class 3 Hypovolemic shock. Took to the chamber with a bunch of willing (for willing read the usual state of nervous fear) volunteers and blew all the nastiness out of me synuses. Clearly demoing the cannister change was going to be a disaster but I batted away at it anyway. Its a clockwise thread OK !

With cranial clarity comes rememberance. Yes I did do the Elvis thing. Yes sailor bloke in the pub I am a lucky bastage for working with a load of young chicks and yep my sh@tty stick is running out of batteries. Cant remember that I have eaten solids yet this week. Could be time to root out the "emergency" 10 year old compo out of me webbing again.

Short of the that utilise Dean Martins cure for a hangover

"Stay Drunk"


Salute to you all you wonderfull rogues ;)
 
#14
After a very heavy session on Saturday, in my house on my own!!, wifey was upstairs not playing, so I had a couple of bottles of white and then thought it would be great to celebrate Burns night very early. So half a bottle of malt later and the Mrs is waking me up, christ only knows how i got up stairs.

A good old bacon and tom butty has always sorted me out, so i had one made up for me, ate it and felt sh**. but thought I'd better make an effort so went round the local car boot, and sprogged all over the carpark and the back of my freelander, that wasn't too bad except when i semi recovered there was a family sat in their car who had had to watch me. not big or clever.

the to top it all i went to see the Foo Fighters in Brum, my mates bought me some Holsten Pils, so i sprogged up again.

took me till wednesday to recover. the only thing that seems to work as the years add up is time, it evens takes me about 3 days after a mess do now.

poor show.
 
#15
I blame coming off sleeping tablets (work for abbey national and I challenge you to be anything less than f*cked in the head) but currently so gassed that the keyboard is reading cryrillic .... and its taken me 9 attempts to get this far
 
#16
I arrived back in England Saturday at 15:00 after working 24 hours straight, and left on a mates stag do 2 hours later ...

We went to "school dinners" in Holborn, i vaguely remember being dragged up to be caned for being "a naughty boy" and offering the saucy little minx doing the whooping £20.00 if she'd give me a dig in the chops...

she refused...

puff.

arrived home 08:00 the following morning, looking like i'd just arrived back from Hitlers failed Russian campaign..

Spent all of sunday listening to the tap dancing lessons in my head, and wondering if i'd had "molten lava" as a main course the night before.

the only cure possible was soon decided upon ... drink heavily ... it's the only answer.
 
#17
well troops i do have the perfect hangover cure which is guaranteed to sort you out.
this cure was developed after many visits out to hong kong to the rugby sevens,which as some of you maybe aware is a 5 day lash fest,i was in a bar one night in the early hours after a day of chucking copious amount of swill down me grid and the call of nature suddenly hit me like abit of 4 by 2,so off i dashed to the thunderbox where my world literally fell apart,well through my hoop to be exact.well i woke up the next morning feeling like id just been hit by said 4 by 2 round the dish and felt like my arrse had been violated it hurt that much.only answer was to get back on it and put the hangover off until the following day.
well this year was different.found the perfect cure from a lad in the med centre,ingredients are as follows.
1. 2x sachets of dioralyte.
2. 2x paracetomol
3. orange juice(fresh)
4. glucose drink
5. 1x banana.

to resolve said hangover follow these instructions
1. drink the 2 sachets of dioralyte(with water) before you go to bed(not a drama if you dont,just do it first thing)
2. take 2 paracetomol(use the orange juice for this,reduces swelling in your bonce apparently)
3. mix up large drink of glucose drink(can be purchased from boots) or lucozade will do the trick(not the fizzy type)
stick the banana up your arrse to stop it leaking,
no,not really,apparently nanas contaim potassium and natural sugars that help raise your blood sugar level and the potasium lines your stomach.
hope this helps,it worked peachy for me this year.
enjoy the silly season troops
 
#18
... a hangover I can handle. It's the vague knowledge that certain people have seen me naked that makes me want to cry.

2 x 200mg ibuprofen BEFORE you go to bed. Simple as.

tomato juice in the morning and plenty of water.

My works do last night. T'was sh!te, sh*t music, sh*t food and the head of my dept sat next to me during the meal. I had one glass one wine then fcuked off home. A sharp contrast to last Sat (TA do) whereupon I woke up on Sunday naked, covered in cuts and brusies and found a male friend's phone at the side of my bed 8O . I spent the whole of Sunday in bed whimpering. Now I'm getting text messages of blokes I know I never gave my number to telling me what I great laugh I was. :(
 
#19
A hangover cure that has never failed for me is a pint glass of water with a BEROCCA tablet in it, first thing in the morning, followed by something to eat. If the hangover is a real fcker then add an Alka Seltzer to the glass at the same time!
 

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