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Pootopia (WAS Is "Poo Time" sacred?)

#1
After reading the stool chart I realised that as a father of three, the only place I get some piece and quiet in my tiny quarter is when I'm on the bog. Lately I have found that I spend so long laying a cable that I cant walk properly when I get off cos my legs are numb, this results in me holding onto the shower rail whilst doing a satisfactory impression of Elvis until the blood returns to my legs.

So, I got one of those shower radios to listen to, a good array of books and mags, even a suduko book, and a packet of tabs. All so that I can while away the hours dropping some rabbit tods and keep myself entertained whilst I stink the bog out. On one occasion I was a bit peckish whilst touching cloth so I took in a packet of quavers, can of pop and double decker to enjoy during my Forrest Gump.

So Im in my blissful little universe with my knob tucked in so I dont piss in the Bog seat/porcelin gap, practicing my smoke rings and reading a book on feng shui (got it for Xmas and didnt know where the fcuk to put it). When there is a banging on the door.

"Come out, come out now"
Im thinking my house has become part of the crystal maze. Anyway I enquire what the problem is and it turns out that missus taffridge is dying for a wee. Now I am not a selfish man but this is my quiet time, and besides I hadnt been there long, only 1/2 way through 1 fag and I didnt even have red marks above my knees from reading. So I'm afraid I left her there for another 15 mins.

She was livid after she had finished her go and is sulking in a major way, but I did let them all know I was going in before hand. Am I a bad man? I mean she runs the rest of the house. Im thinking of putting a bucket on the balcony for her
 
#2
Isn't that why you have a sink in the kitchen? For when the bathroom is occupied? Or is it just me that has a habit of swamping in the sink?
 
#3
:salut: Sir, you are a genius. My thoughts exactly, I also spend a long time on the shitter, and can sympathise with tucking in my cock, and the book marks on the knees. The circular mark on your arrse from the toilet seat is also a beautiful souvenir of the time spent further polluting our sewers, even if it only lasts for a few minutes......

Ahhh, im off for a shite.
 
#5
sacred time... when else can a chap catch up on the reading backlog??
 
#7
You also cant beat the sound of retching, windows being opened and shouts of smelly cnut eminating from the recently vacated khazi by the next occupant, always cheers me up.
 
#9
Top poo tip

Put a few shit tickets down first to avoid the "Poor mans bidet"

The splashback can ruin an otherwise perfect poo utopia
 
#10
taffridge said:
Top poo tip

Put a few s*** tickets down first to avoid the "Poor mans bidet"

The splashback can ruin an otherwise perfect poo utopia
How about pootopia rather than poo utopia, its got a certain catch to it


:toilet:
 
#11
catton01 said:
taffridge said:
Top poo tip

Put a few s*** tickets down first to avoid the "Poor mans bidet"

The splashback can ruin an otherwise perfect poo utopia
How about pootopia rather than poo utopia, its got a certain catch to it


:toilet:
Lets re name the thread
 
#15
You need to get a thunderbox installed in that shed mate; whilst you were hogging the bog your missus had to do what she had to do in next door's garden...
 

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#17
They're wondering who's gonna have to do the wiping heh heh
 
#19
Having a satisfying crimp is unlike any other experience bar possibly the tantric w@nk where you end up about four feet of the ground going "WTF was that and when can I do it again?" The heads are a place for uninterrupted meditation on all things in the world. Some of the biggest decisions in history have been made whilst dumping.

It is a little known fact that Ghengis Khan was squatting away one day on the steppes, in his private poo-tent, idly browsing the equivalent of a razz mag on a hide when it came to him - a feel like good sezchuan beef after that unload I think I'll invade China. He grabbed some specially imported gerbil furs and made a ham fisted attempt to remove the more stubborn clankers before rounding up the Mongol hordes. The rest is history.



(n.b. thread not merged I just did a different title before anyone goes off on one)
 
#20
Think the Italian Job, think Mr Bridger. If your wife/child won't respect your privacy you should have the problem dealt with and move on. Your life will be richer and more enjoyable without them.
 

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