Pootopia (WAS Is "Poo Time" sacred?)

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by taffridge, Jan 18, 2007.

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  1. After reading the stool chart I realised that as a father of three, the only place I get some piece and quiet in my tiny quarter is when I'm on the bog. Lately I have found that I spend so long laying a cable that I cant walk properly when I get off cos my legs are numb, this results in me holding onto the shower rail whilst doing a satisfactory impression of Elvis until the blood returns to my legs.

    So, I got one of those shower radios to listen to, a good array of books and mags, even a suduko book, and a packet of tabs. All so that I can while away the hours dropping some rabbit tods and keep myself entertained whilst I stink the bog out. On one occasion I was a bit peckish whilst touching cloth so I took in a packet of quavers, can of pop and double decker to enjoy during my Forrest Gump.

    So Im in my blissful little universe with my knob tucked in so I dont piss in the Bog seat/porcelin gap, practicing my smoke rings and reading a book on feng shui (got it for Xmas and didnt know where the fcuk to put it). When there is a banging on the door.

    "Come out, come out now"
    Im thinking my house has become part of the crystal maze. Anyway I enquire what the problem is and it turns out that missus taffridge is dying for a wee. Now I am not a selfish man but this is my quiet time, and besides I hadnt been there long, only 1/2 way through 1 fag and I didnt even have red marks above my knees from reading. So I'm afraid I left her there for another 15 mins.

    She was livid after she had finished her go and is sulking in a major way, but I did let them all know I was going in before hand. Am I a bad man? I mean she runs the rest of the house. Im thinking of putting a bucket on the balcony for her
  2. Isn't that why you have a sink in the kitchen? For when the bathroom is occupied? Or is it just me that has a habit of swamping in the sink?
  3. :salut: Sir, you are a genius. My thoughts exactly, I also spend a long time on the shitter, and can sympathise with tucking in my cock, and the book marks on the knees. The circular mark on your arrse from the toilet seat is also a beautiful souvenir of the time spent further polluting our sewers, even if it only lasts for a few minutes......

    Ahhh, im off for a shite.
  4. get two bogs in your house :S i found it works quite well :D
  5. sacred time... when else can a chap catch up on the reading backlog??
  6. I cant think of anything better than letting one rip in the gary glitter, have a bit of a read and peace. Beauty.
  7. You also cant beat the sound of retching, windows being opened and shouts of smelly cnut eminating from the recently vacated khazi by the next occupant, always cheers me up.
  8. I love leaving skiddies, puts the next user right off
  9. Top poo tip

    Put a few shit tickets down first to avoid the "Poor mans bidet"

    The splashback can ruin an otherwise perfect poo utopia
  10. How about pootopia rather than poo utopia, its got a certain catch to it

  11. Lets re name the thread
  12. YES Pootopia it is!
  13. how do I change it?
  14. Edit in the top right next to where it says quote
  15. You need to get a thunderbox installed in that shed mate; whilst you were hogging the bog your missus had to do what she had to do in next door's garden...

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