Pooh Bah Humbug

Discussion in 'Health and Fitness' started by Spanish_Dave, Sep 21, 2008.

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  1. Spanish_Dave

    Spanish_Dave LE Good Egg (charities)

    I have to have a tooth out next Friday and I am sh1tting myself as I am a fanny who hates dentists, what can I expect apart from a £45.50 bill? PS they wont give me a general either :evil:
  2. Look forward to the grinding and crunching sounds as the offending tooth is dragged, resisting, from its socket. Be prepared for it having a long root that will require the dentist to slide a dental crowbar between the tooth and the gum. You may be really unlucky and have the tooth snap. If it snaps vertically, its not too much of a drama, but if it snaps horizontally at gum level the dentist will have to get the dental chisel and dental hammer out to form a mortise in your jaw.

    Anaesthetics are over rated. They simply don't work. You may be better off doing without. At least that way, you'll be saving yourself the pain of the injection.

    Before the extraction starts, ensure that the dentist is wearing shoes with no tread. Otherwise you'll have the imprint on your forehead and people will think that you've been run over.

    On the bright side, the cost of an extraction is a one-off fee. Fillings are treated by dentists as a life-long source of revenue - if they are a bit short of dosh for their Barbados holiday, they'll just tell you that the filling needs replacing - and who are you to argue?

    I hope I've put your mind at rest.
  3. You utter, utter B*stard.

  4. Oh, and another downer with the injections... They numb your lips so that you can't tell what else is happening. Dentists have a nasty habit of trapping your lip between the dental crowbar and your other teeth. Most of the blood that you spit out at the end isn't from the massive hole in your gum, it's from your now swollen-to-three-times-its-original-size lip.

    Incidentally, don't forget to insist that the dentist gives you anti-biotics after the extraction. (NODUF). You've taken time off to get your tooth out. You shouldn't have to take more time off to revisit the dentist when you discover a festering, oozing mass of putridity (is there a word) in your jaw.
  5. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    I love trips to the dentist and I dont do dental injections, I like the pain!
  6. Alrighty: You'll have some pain killing spray that probably tastes like a mix of banana and dettol. Then you'll have injections of anaesthetic, it's reliability is dubious at best, but I'd always opt for it because he won't charge you less if you don't have it. Next he'll grip the tooth with a pair of 'round of the corner' pliers and move it from side to side/front to back depending on location. You'll hear a little bit of cracking, which is the tooth dislodging from the jaw bone, and then pulling as he tries to extract it. If you're lucky, that's it. It'll bleed quite alot, so expect to be padded out with cotton wool, but you'll walk away with a numb mouth and a tongue that simply can't stop fiddling with the hole.

    If you're unlucky, the dentist may have to split the tooth and take it out piece by piece, which is awkward and can be quite painful. Good luck!
  7. Spanish_Dave

    Spanish_Dave LE Good Egg (charities)

    At least I can come home Friday night with a war story :lol:
  8. It would be less of a problem if dentists weren't life-long optimists.

    The "lucky" process never works. It could only ever work if the tooth were absolutely intact and strong to boot. In which case you wouldn't be having the tooth removed.

    The "unlucky" scenario is the most likely, but even then there are degrees of misfortune.

    Take my brother's example for instance. He booked an early appointment and took the morning off work to get a tooth pulled. Starting at 08:30, by 10:00, the dentist had achieved no more than to break off the top of the tooth, leaving shards of enamel poking from a bloody hole. At 12:00, all of the tooth above the jaw had been removed, but the roots remained. By 14:00, the roots were a fragmented mass which stubbornly remained lodged in the jaw.

    By 16:00, my brother was in hospital as an emergency case. Later that evening, surgeons broke his jaw in order to remove the tooth fragments. He was off work for a week.

    Best to have your overnight kit handy, just in case.
  9. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    Vets do a better job!
  10. Grab him by the bollxcks and say, "We are not going to hurt each other, are we ?".
  11. Spanish_Dave

    Spanish_Dave LE Good Egg (charities)

    Ah well, 10.20 and I am under the hammer, followed by an important meeting at work at 12, sh1ttin a brick I is :oops:
  12. Its going to hurt.

    If the root is deep you will feel your tezzies twitch...... Also if arkward, (which most yorkshire men are) the dentist will kneel on your chest to twist the tooth out.
  13. Arkward? Is that like some sort of Advark? ;)
  14. Good luck Dave, I don't envy the people in your meeting, their not gonna understand a word you say because of the anaesthetic, and if they question you about it, they'll have their head ripped off because you'll be in such a bad mood! I'd sack the meeting off mate, they'll thank you for it later.
  15. You big baby... it doesnt hurt at all... the injection doesnt hurt the extraction doesnt hurt... if your gum is a bit sore get some Oraldine from the Chemist...