Poo in clingfilm

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Captain_Carrot, Jan 30, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Just watched Bear Grylls and that Miranda bird on discovery channel. He says they would poo in clingfilm and pass it round as a hand warmer. Now, recce, I
    happy with the poking (sts) but passing it round? Bear victim of a SAS wind-up or is it me?
     
  2. Artistic licence maybe for the benefit of a TV audience? Recounting how he shat into clingfilm and held onto it himself mostly likely doesn't sound as good.
     
  3. I tended to just thrust my hands down the front of my trousers.

    Much less hassle. If Andy McNab wants to warm his hands he will have to get to the back of the line.
     
  4. you know once this moves to the Naafi it's everyone elses trousers!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  5. Dear God I hope there wasn't any scouts watching that programme.
     
  6. It is a lot simpler to wear a pair of gloves. The first thing you should consider when going out in the cold is to dress appropriately. I would have thought it would have made more sense to pack an extra pair of gloves instead of a roll of cling film.

    Honestly, the more I hear about this bacon grills bloke, the more he comes across as a TV celeb knobjockey...

    Lofy Wiseman must be laughing his socks off.

    Rodney2q
     
    • Like Like x 3
  7. I haven't got a clue what "them" do to keep their hands warm but I always thought if you have cold hands, wear gloves. If they are still cold, stick them in your pockets. If it's so cold that don't do the trick, try wacking them under your armpits. Smelly but not as smelly or as messy as crapping in a bit of cling film.
     
  8. Surely he can't expect to be taken seriously?! Has his supposedly devout Christianity tipped him over the edge? Did he compare it to the Sacrament, or the Loaves and Fishes, or some other equally lurid fantasy?
     
  9. ^. He's a bible thumper? You might be onto something with the loaves and fishes there. Maybe he's trying to magically convert his turds into bread?
     
    • Like Like x 2
  10. Yes apparently he's a godbotherer* in addition to becoming a parody of himself, judging by the OP.

    *there was a feature article about him a while ago in The Courier-Mail, the alleged newspaper. I didn't read it.
     
  11. Crap aint that warm!
     
  12. Bear's is, it smells of pansies too!

    The fucking maniac.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  13. So is the expression now "Do Bears shit in clingfilm"?
     
    • Like Like x 13
  14. I can see it now. The book by Lord Baden Powel which has lain un-remarked in a dusty cupboard for generations, but now proudly published under the title "Scatting For Boys".
     
    • Like Like x 11

  15. Wiseman had his daft moments too. He used to teach that, in order to throw tracking dogs off your scent, you should tie a dead hedgehog or similar to a bit of string and drag it along behind you to hide your scent trail.

    In reality, if you do that you are causing a massive scent trail that even the most poorly trained tracking dog could follow. The dog wondering all the while why you are towing a dead animal behind you.

    The simplest way to keep your hands warm is to use the buddy buddy system and hold your mates penis. If he likes it, it will grow to fill your hands and get even warmer. Of course there may be subsequent consequences and a price to pay.
     
    • Like Like x 8