Policing in the UK

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Grownup_Rafbrat, Nov 26, 2007.

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  1. Grownup_Rafbrat

    Grownup_Rafbrat LE Good Egg (charities)

    This cheered me up no end, despite being sent by a mate who emigrated to Oz five years ago. Happy Monday, folks.


    Being a Police Officer in the UK

    Question:
    How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?

    Answer:
    Pose the following question:

    You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

    What do you do?

    UK POLICE OFFICERS Answer :

    Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed?

    Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

    Could we run away?

    What does my wife think?

    What about the kids?

    Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

    What does the law say about this situation?

    Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

    Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

    Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

    Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

    If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

    Should I call 999?

    Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behaviour.

    If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed when he falls over running away, knocks his head and kills himself?

    If I shoot him, and lose the court case does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and I will lose my family home?


    AUSTRALIAN OFFICERS Answer:

    BANG!

    AMERICAN OFFICERS Answer:

    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.
     
  2. I find that quite amusing. But true.
     
  3. Very astute mate, though i think you should change the UK POLICE OFFFICERS Answer to UK POLICE OFFICER OF CHIEF INSPECTOR RANK OR ABOVE answer.

    Most of the ranks below that would use the australian method.
     
  4. Dear God, and I thought I was a pedantic tw@t!!
    :wink:
     
  5. Well this particular policeman must have been using the Glock 26 which (and I've just checked) has a 12 rd mag :p :wink:
     
  6. Grownup_Rafbrat

    Grownup_Rafbrat LE Good Egg (charities)

    I love the Naafi. Informative as well as amusing.
     
  7. Question:
    How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?

    Answer:
    Pose the following question:

    You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

    What do you do?

    THIS IS THE REAL UK VERSION:
    There are never real Police walking on the street or even outside a Police Station, so....

    UK PCSO
    Looks at craze knife weilding nutter and thinks, I've not be trained to deal with this, I'll stand back and hope that some brave citizen will step in and save my wife and children.
     
  8. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Cynicism from La Lollo! I never thought I would see the day.

    Good question, and well posed. However, I do believe the answer from British point of view should be; is he wearing a leather jacket? Is he an immigrant, possibly an overstayer Has he used a small amount of cocaine recently? Am I in the Met? If the answers are yes to any or all, then shoot the suspect in the head at very close range some 7 or 8 times, then shout 'armed police.Stop!'
     
  9. You've been reading th OP KRATOS for dummies book haven't you? :wink:
     
  10. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    That's who it was written for!
     
  11. Policing in the UK? Ah, yes, I remember that...
     
  12. Grownup_Rafbrat

    Grownup_Rafbrat LE Good Egg (charities)

    Blame the medication .....
     
  13. Ahem, yes but I think you'll find that the Glock 26 is a 9x19mm parabellum and not a .40.