Police called to gay domestic incident

#1
Police were called today to a domestic dispute between two respected members of the Soho gay community who inadvertantly got their Prince Alberts entangled and started fighting over which member of Bronski Beat has the firmest kneecaps.

"These two well known homosexuals first appeared on our radar in 1991 after 'going down hard' on some Arabs after spilling their load on a public highway from a considerable height" Police spokesman Tariq Aziz said today.

John "Bruno" Nicols likes to dress up in flying gear whilst performing 'thrust' actions on his defenceless victims. He is known to frequent seedy military theme websites touting his "Medical" book which, in fact, contains dubious practices such as Thai gender realignment surgery and advanced rectal prolapse inducement.

John "Liberace" Nicols was unavailable for comment as he had his mouth full.
 

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#4
spike7451 said:
You do realise John Nichol is a member of this site,dont you.
I think he knows perfectly well but I've no idea what the fcuk he's on about.

John Nichol has always seemed all right to me.
 
#5
spike7451 said:
You do realise John Nichol is a member of this site,dont you.
So's Nelson Mandela but even he laughs at his own expense........................especially when I headlock him, rap my knuckles on his head and shout 'Testing.................1, 2.............testing'
 
#7
Howler said:
....... He is known to frequent seedy military theme websites touting his "Medical" book.........
That "seedy military theme website" will be Arrse, then?
 

the_boy_syrup

LE
Book Reviewer
#8
Did I miss something or Have I woke up in 1991?

Nelson Mandela an advert that Prison does work

He's never re offended

Well done him
 

the_boy_syrup

LE
Book Reviewer
#12
FiveAlpha said:
the_boy_syrup said:
Did I miss something or Have I woke up in 1991?
If you have, you might have another crack at trying to be a soldier.
No thanks far to dangerous

I like to check in not dig in

Leave it to you lads :D
 
#14
FiveAlpha said:
spike7451 said:
You do realise John Nichol is a member of this site,dont you.
So's Nelson Mandela but even he laughs at his own expense........................especially when I headlock him, rap my knuckles on his head and shout 'Testing.................1, 2.............testing'
That's funny, Nelson said to me "If that cnut gets me in a headlock one more time, I'll dress him in a football strip and set Winnie on him."
 
#15
Not much point whining, John Nichol is only where he is now because he fell out of an Aeroplane in Jan 91

He didn't get shot down, the aircraft manually ejecting him for being a crab puff.

I thoroughly enjoyed watching him pass commentary in the SAAB Grippen, nice to see his shapely anus as he clambered out of the cab and made for the gents where another crab fellated him. Sadly the footage stopped at the toilet door.

Tornado down, was sequeled with a lesser known book titled 'Meat through a lavatory wall' apparently from Stockholm syndrome in Iraq he got used to blowing chaps for food, fags and clean underpants.
 
#16
My sources tell me that NcNab also pulled the train while in captivity, on each and every watch handover. Not that I'm passing judgement, of course. I'd reverse onto the womb-bromb with enthusiasm if it meant I got a multi million pound book deal and regular coin from indulging in windy punditry. :D
 
#17
Doesn't look like he's bit yet lads - ya maggots gone limp 'n all.
 
#18
FiveAlpha said:
spike7451 said:
You do realise John Nichol is a member of this site,dont you.
So's Nelson Mandela but even he laughs at his own expense........................especially when I headlock him, rap my knuckles on his head and shout 'Testing.................1, 2.............testing'
Bloody hell 5A. You feeling OK? You managed a sentence without mentioning the veiny treat.

Do try harder. You have a reputation to keep up FFS...
 
#19
the_boy_syrup said:
Did I miss something or Have I woke up in 1991?

Nelson Mandela an advert that Prison does work

He's never re offended

Well done him
My Bold, He's never reoffended......Yet. Theres still time. Lets face it 27 years in Prison he must've been a bad Lad.
 
#20
Police Update

John "Barrowman" Nichol was under investigation by police after sordid details were unearthed regarding is stay at top hotel 'Abu Ghraib' in 1991.
It transpired that he volunteered for work in the prison bar as the main feature drag act. He performed as "Johnny Hot rocks" wearing only pink hot pants, singing "I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper" whilst gyrating his hips and stirring customers' pina coladas with his johnson.

John "Manbag" Nichol would then retire to his room and offer to clean the floors of the communal areas. He would lie on his back, legs akimbo, and invite a hotel guest to insert a mop handle into his starfish, push him around the floor and have his body used as a makeshift bumper.

John "Old Compton St" Nichol was fired from the extreme leatherman bar for depravity and found work servicing tornado fighter jets. Again he had to be repremanded for backing onto the nose cone and demanding "Fire her up, take me to heaven and back you naughty plane you".

John "6 cell Maglite" Nichol was unavailable for comment today as he is under arrest for an unspecified incident in a vacuum cleaner factory.
 

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