Pokey bum w@@k

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by suits_U, Apr 28, 2006.

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  1. Now then it seems a bit daft but I feel I have to share a difficult experience with you all.
    If it ends up in the arrse hole so be it.
    Whilst me and mrs suits were having a play the other night, i was happily enjoying the pleasures of the moment and about to reach the vinegar strokes, in an apparent moment of sheer madness mrs suits decides she would try and 'slip the finger' so to speak. My immediate reaction was to quite simply punch her square in the face, roll her over and do the same to her, but 'no' i thought to myself.
    I calmly explained that if she tried it again she would be felled with a right hook.
    She swore she was merely testing the waters, and proceeded to lecture me on the male anotomy. not that i cared i was too distressed at this point. what should i do?
    Explain if it happens again that she may die? Or let it go and pray she doesnt succeed in finding my prostate amidst the throws of passion.
     
  2. Explain, then use the lock on the bathroom door in future.
     
  3. Not sure what to say myself, but a lovely story it is :)

    *Whats next on the 'testing waters' list? , tried water sports yet?
    *On second thoughts maybe you should bring that one up?
     
  4. Suits,

    Im no expert on the subject of the probing finger, but I should suggest that next time you get a couple of pints in yourself and ask your missus to try it again. Erm....you may like it old boy. If not, no harm, no foul and you both no for sure that its not your cuppa tea. Just dont tell your mates you tried it though.
     
  5. Take it like a man, fella. But only if she green lights you doing 'The Big A' on her. Let her go 2 knuckles deep to satisfy her curiosity, then when it's your turn, put down the plastic sheeting and put some disturbing late 60s drug fuelled music on the stez. I recomend 'Illa Gadda Da Vida' by Iron Butterfly.
    Then make her watch 2 hours of Rocco Siffredi's finest work, just to let her know what she's in for.
    Make her adopt the position, tie a kamikaze headband around your melon, then bear down in the continental lunge technique, coming out of the sun like a jap zero pilot and scream 'TORA! TORA! TORA!' As you break the seal.........dry.
     
  6. Having your bunghole tampered with is a joy to behold.

    So long as you don't lay on all fours begging for her to take you like a b1tch and ask for a champ in your kisser you can keep your heteroness in tact and enjoy it.
     
  7. Err, aren't you a bit late with that advice?
     
  8. Tell her get her tongue in there if she really loves you. Now that is a joy to behold. Its also very romantic.
     
  9. Fang_Farrier

    Fang_Farrier LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Just make sure she gives her hands a good wash after before she goes and makes you your post coital bacon roll
     
  10. Theres a bit of quid pro quo in the offing here. Simply let her have her way then her bum's your oyster.

    I'm not a big fan of analingus myself. Before I joined the army I had a job in a crisp factory. I had to taste beef Monster Munch all day for quality control. The two acts are so similar, the novelty value of licking a woman's arrsehole were soon lost on me.
     
  11. Sweet as!, you have obviously done this before!
     
  12. I think you should let her. But give yourself a part-enema beforehand with a squeezy bottle and blood red food colouring. Insert into rectum. (The food colouring, not the actual bottle.)

    Make sure you force out a wet air biscuit during her finger/hoop dhobi combo, covering her grid in "butt blood" - start screaming hysterically about snagged nails etc.

    She will be overcome with guilt and I guarantee she will be offering her hoop on a plate to you from that day forward, but never going near yours again. Its a winner.
     
  13. Could be useful if you have piles, save you having to go to the trouble of shoving the grapes back in there yourself, at any rate.

    I've a mate who swears by the bum fingering, but he's slightly odd.
     
  14. some people with haemmoroids can effect, at will a "bullfrog" from there bottom.... imagine the comedy value as she goes to tongue your balloon knot and you squeeze out a big bubble and say "ribbit" over your shoulder... pure gold. :D
     
  15. Finger up her bum..........good effort and possible vanguard for the main thrust........... :D

    Finger up my bum..........I feel like I'm going to sh1t myself................ 8O