Poets needed for London olympics

BBC News - London 2012: Worldwide poets still needed for Festival event

I wandered lonely as a cloud, pissed as fuck and shouting loud
The olympics I had come to see, but some big twat had beaten me

Took my money and my phone
left me bleeding all alone

In pain I wandered down the street
there was no way to send a tweet.

I called for help, not forthcoming
now afraid of a hard drybumming

So this was UK I had heard about
It's a place I can live without

All the taxes and the Louts
Fat bastards too and ticket touts

Bit stumped to carry on, maybe a few more beers - feel free to add your own poem
Not a poem i know (there are rhymey bits) but some kind soul has already produced a handy rhyming slang list for the Paralympics

Bacon rind - Blind
Canary wharf - Dwarf
Cardinal Wolsley - Cerebral Palsey
Raspberry Ripple - Cripple
Wasps and Bees -Amputees
Rubber & Plastic - Spastic
Tulips & Roses - Multiple sclerosis
Diet Pepsi - Epilepsy
Benny & the Jets - Tourettes.

I bet the BBC commentators will find it a boon!


Be a man, not a wog.
Fuck your wife, not your dog.

For I am a man, not a wog.
I fucked your wife and so did my dog.

So when can I start?
The twenty twelve olympics
are but a hundred days away
and when it start's, I know
I'll be watching something else and probably be realy pissed off by the blanket coverage on all channels!

The last line needs a bit of work, but otherwise it's a winner.
Run, Run, Run
Run, Run, Run
We cant fucking run
We can't run a bath
We're the organising commitee
The athletes have gone
All is silent and empty
Like Coe's promises

The national olympic dream
is to find a team
of negros who
will run faster than
the other nations negros do!

I wonder if that is a banning offence. Suppose I will find out soon enough
The London olympics will be
remarkably shit, you'll see
we won't even beat
a team with no feet
mind you they'll do better than me
There once was a man named Coe
Who squandered a nation's dough
On a massive stunt
The self-serving cunt
But no-one wanted to go

EJ Thribb, 41 and a bit
Its the real thing
And we're loving it.
........and I am in no way retained by the two major commercial sponsors of London 2012. I have to congratulate LOCOG, they have managed to extinguish any belief in, or desire to watch, the Olympics. I'm sure however, that the huge contingents of smug, self-serving sports administrators and the like will all enjoy using the Zil lanes that ferry them from one free banquet to the next and is playing "spot the despot" amongst their co-participants.
No, of course I'm not cynical or jaundiced about the Olympics.................


I can't be bothered to run anymore,
There'll be no gold coloured tin for me,
Bring back Durchy, he'll be glad I'm sure,
That I've found a rhyme for binfantry
Stick your overpriced sports day
Up your arse
Along with Seb Coe.

A bit of an Olympic haiku for them
Traditional haiku consist of 17 on (also known as morae), in three phrases of 5, 7 and 5 on respectively.[4] Any one of the three phrases may end with the kireji.[5] Although haiku are often stated to have 17 syllables,[6] this is incorrect as syllables and on are not the same.

Better make it this:

Up your big fat arse,
Stick your overpriced sports day
Along with Seb Coe.
With massive apologies to Auden:

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Stop Sue Barker's incessant moan,
Silence the TVs and with a muffled cuss
Ignore the flame, and the athletes' fuss.

More helicopters circle filming overhead
Scribbling out to Sky the message Sport Is Dead,
Put crappy passes round the necks of public saps,
Funding the misery yet given the scraps.

Traffic jams in North, South, East and West,
Screwing my working week and my Sunday rest,
TV coverage noon to midnight all day long;
I thought that it would soon be over: I was wrong.

The games are not wanted now: LOCOG should go;
Pack up the goons and fire Lord Coe;
Pour away the pools and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
The national olympic dream
is to find a team
of negros who
will run faster than
the other nations negros do!

I wonder if that is a banning offence. Suppose I will find out soon enough
Well, it certainly should be a banning offence. You've misspelt 'negroes', failed to give it and 'Olympic' a capital letter and omitted the apostrophe at the end of 'nations'. Disgraceful! ^~


Book Reviewer
McDonalds and Coca-Cola make kids fat
Adidas flogs us sweat shop tat
Dow Chemicals DBCP makes people sterile at work
Rio Tinto is steeped in environmental murk
And BP pollutes the Gulf of Mexico
But they are all loved by dear Lord Coe
We should have let the French win the thing
The whole fucking circus can kiss my ring


Book Reviewer
There was a crooked man
Who walked a crooked mile.
He found a crooked sixpence
And buggered up a Coke machine.

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