I believe that the time has come to appoint a poet laureate for the Army Rumour Service, a sort of Poet Laure-arrse if you like. The Laure-arrse would produce verse on special occasions, to commemorate the site's birthday for example or anniversaries. They could also celebrate, as I did for example with my poem "England's Bigot", events in the outside world like the sad loss of Jade Goody... I of course would love to be considered as a candidate, a fact I have made clear in the preamble to my latest offering A Pervert's Love Song. However unlike some, I do not feel that unilaterally appointing myself as Laure-arrse is appropriate. So I call on other poetic souls to come here and duke it out with me for the position of Arrse Poet Laureate. I suggest that candidates who wish to be considered for election should offer pieces of their work and the Arrse population can elect by acclamation. Perhaps a poem about how good Arrse is would be a suitable test-piece?