Please shoot me, Im a c*ck.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by bernoulli, Jul 16, 2005.

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  1. Yesterday I helped deliver a canal boat from Teddington to Staines, and sadly, I must confess to using the following terms during the Stella-fuelled voyage... :oops:

    1. Hands out of the rig of the day clear off the upper deck.

    2. That's Cambodia up there, captain.

    3. Machinery breakdown! machinery breakdown!

    4. Arc light ( when a 737 out of Heathrow passed overhead, oh dear... :roll: )

    5. The leaving harbour brief will be in five minutes time.

    6. Charlie don't surf. :oops: :oops:

    7. Lance! get back in the boat, goddamit..

    I kept this up until Chertsey, where my crew-mates threatened to wedge my head in the lock gates and ram a fending-off pole up my arrse if I didn't shut the f*ck up...

    Has anybody else on here used Jack/Squaddy terminology in an utterly inappropriate context, in a manner almost designed to make friends and family want to batter your skull in with a ball-peen hammer? :D
  2. "Bonjour Mateloe".. :D
  3. So long as you enjoyed yourself, Berni! :D

    The only thing that was ever said when it was my turn to 'drive' on a canal-boat holiday in my teens was "Collision imminent: Brace yourselves!" :oops: :lol:
  4. I think you will find that will be:

    "Hands to emergency stations!, close all red doors and openings",

    *Chortle* I have got a thousand of them... :D
  5. Cheers Double D, and I think the next line to your signature is "Grey skies from blue?". :wink:
  6. Lmao, damn, and i thought that was a secret between me and you..... :D
  7. Being from the Senior Service, I take it you carried on talking then? Quite a treat for you I imagine... :D :wink:
  8. Didn't you say "toobs three and six fired electrically sir!" in a spam accent? Or "we've released the boo-ey?"

    I'm disappointed. Or, "It's this damn, damn war, Number One!"

    I can just see you in a duffle coat and nursing a tin mug of tea on the bridge.

    I live near the river in SW London, give us a ring next time so I can pepper your craft with .22 air rifle fire from my garden for that authentic "Paint it Black" fast boat vibe.

  9. We've an ex-squaddie who thinks it's utterly hilarious to say "ease springs!" every time somebody at work farts. Cnut.

  10. Tubs, don't knock a splintered length of 2x2 up your hoop until you've tried it..............
  11. F8ck you Veg, I have figured out a way to mount a 30mm on the focs'l of the canal boat, so bring it on, rough rider.... :D
  12. But when you let rip you'll knock off all the assorted plant pots, garden furniture and scare the cat. Hooligan.

  13. Veg, I am quite happy to sacrifice the faux-pikey upper deck acoutriments in order to teach you some humility... :wink:
  14. What, even those canal boat frequenting fcukers Rosie and Jim??????
  15. Sounds like good advice. Probably best to ease it in gently at first.