Please caption these for me!!

Hi Guy's,

I have been challenged to caption these photo's taken on a recent busuiness trip to Portugal. Please help. All captions welcome.

 

je t'aimes
xx

 

Caption to first picture.
"No don't worry, Mr Litvenenko. This Portugese Sushi is perfectly safe!"

 

Photo 1 "Her clit was as big as this prawn and tasted just the same!"

 

Pic 1

Bloke on right thinks "FFS Kill me before i die of boredom"

Pic 2

"Excuse me, can I interupt the midgit throwing for a second? One of the little fuckers has landed in my beer"

 

Bloke on right thinks

"Oh for fuck sake, why the hell did I sit next to this twat?"

"I hope that sushi is poisoned"

"please God, strike me down"

 

Any chance of making the pictures a bit bigger?

Picture One - Honestly mate, this Blue Bols and squid cocktail is delicious

 

Pic 1. Don't drink that stuff in the glass. Look what it's done to the prawns.

Pic 2. I've just posted off my application for British Airways.

 

picture 1
gods honest mate you rub it on your head and it stimulates your hair folicles that's why muffz always smell fishy.
picture 2
faced with the prospect of drinking everyone's pi55 in a vase walters hair stood on end betraying his nonchalant smile

 

Pic 1......

Nice head...... hows the khemo going, and can Hong Kong phooey have his jacket back please you cancer addled cnut

 

Pic 1: 'No wonder you've got moobs eating shi'ite like that.'

Pic 2: As the lads finished there meal and washed it down, the bartender added his 'special sauce' to the dessert.

 

Photo Two - After 22 years as a Transexual, Maxinia got into the habit of ordering drinks in large glasses to make his/her hands look small.

 

Pic 1: Seriously… you can see its c0ck!

Pic 2: Filled it up in one go…please can I have my good boy chocolate now?

 

Picture Two - Yeah, vertical stripes make you look much thinner, those two birds on the telly said so.