Plastic Surgery

Having taken a leave of abscence from Arrse for a few weeks I feel it only fair I should share the reasons why:

I am currently in recovery from my first but hopefully not last episode of Plastic surgery. Like all women I have felt the peer pressure from magazines, TV and other media to conform to the Kate Moss / Cindy Crawford physique.

Wanting to please my other half I surcombe to this pressure and jumped on the Katey Price bandwagon and booked into a Harley Street clinic. With two days to go until the bandages are removed I can hardly wait to see the look on his face when I reveal my new form.

Already the proud owner of a cracking pair of norks I poo-pooed the breast enhancement have opted for a cut price bumhole reconstruction, after several years of self abuse and experimentation with large foreign objects and small woodland animals I had been left with a rather deflated sphincter causing embarrassment on more than one occasion.

For example, two days before my booking I was sitting at work showing my colleagues the way to amerillo. As I stood up to do a lunge as part of the routine the circus dwarf I was using as a butt plug fell out with my intestines wrapped around his neck. He shot off out the door like a bulldog out of a butchers shop with 14ibs of cumberland in his chops..

That was the final straw hence the reasons for the operation. I am now the pioneer of the All new Mk1 3ply, heavey duty doss bag draw cord complete with matching toggle, stitched neatly into my arrsehole.

I can't wait to bend over in the mirror and catch a glimspe of my tighty puckered starfish for the first time. I now have the flexibilty should I wish to experiment again with such items as vegetable steamer and a beagle puppy I nicked from nextdoor.

I have promised MDN the night of his life, I really hope he appreciates the lengths I have gone to and my only selfless request is that as I approach climax he belts out 'One thousand two thousand three thousand check' and tugs sharply on my cord

Any other Arrsers had any form of reconstructive surgery? Judging by the gallery you ugly cnuts could keep a Harley street surgery busy for ten years

:D :D :D
Cait has indeed had this surgery: I fell prey to her wind up, she told me we were in a pantomine and we were the horse..... I thought I was pulling the head on in the dark until I felt the draw string tighten round my neck and took a deep breath, I know she had a full English for Breakfast :D

I had my hampton opened up and had the hammer action from a 16v De Walt drill inserted. In addition I had my helmet replaced with a universal bayonet fit socket and have a variety of attatchements to suit partner mood and sexual preference.

For Cait I have the long wobbly vibraty pleasy spitting stem attachment with a pair of Mr Tickle hands that fondle her jubblies while I stab at her from behind, I've had a Digital camera stitched into my forehead to record such an event.

For Natalie Imbruglia I have the Spitting Rohypnol attatchment to get me through the 100m cordon she has around her.

For Dale and the other Arse Munters I have a long rangle ugly hammer that koshes the hogs as they get within 20feet another special penis attachment minces them and feeds them to the seagulls.
Cait & MDN;- Thanks loads, guys - now I need yet another keyboard, this one's allstuck up with cake and coffee detritus!
ive had my legs replaced with small unicycles, and have had a plastic hoop inserted under the skin around my midriff to give me a hilarious "fat look" i've also had a small water pump placed in my chest so i can squirt people who look closely at my left nipple .... i've had a large plastic flower grafted on...

i like it .... but my missus thinks i'm a f*cking clown.


I had my anus moved down by my left ankle so I can just shake the turds out of my trouser leg like the blokes in 'The Great Escape'. It's great: no more skid mark misery for me!
I have seriously been giving this plastic surgery some though, wanting to remain at the forefront of fashion & refusing to be out done by Posh and Abi Titmuff I have booked myself in for some more work.

Despite my stylish demure I'm also a practical girl, wanting to incorporate my traiing as a crack shot, hand to hand combat killer I have chosen the Combat Vogue Special... trhis incorporates having my ample jublies replaced forcamel packs with a straw neatly tucked under both arm pits. I'm also having my womb removed to shed my body of any excess weight so that i can remain light and ready to move at any time.

I'm also having flashbangs and smoke cartridges inserted into my anal passage activated by trumping or if I'm invalided by battle partner simply tugs on my newly installed anal cord. The added bonus is if I'm in a non tactical environment the munitions in my crevice make for an awesome botty bung :D :D :D


chickenpunk said:
I had my anus moved down by my left ankle so I can just shake the turds out of my trouser leg like the blokes in 'The Great Escape'. It's great: no more skid mark misery for me!
Your feet must stink though.
cait said:
I'm also having my womb removed
I'll have that........... bet noone ever got up the dufff by proxy.

I'll leave it on my desk at work and with the image of pulling your draw cord with my teeth I'll spalsh your womb with baby gravy...... I'll do this until you are with child or until your body parts rot and stink out my workspace.

cait said:
this incorporates having my ample jublies replaced forcamel packs with a straw neatly tucked under both arm pits
Again I'll have them, then when you visit for another episode of 'bizarre insertions' I'll sellotape them on your back then I can lick and fiddle with them in the doggy while sipping stella from you camel pack.

Rather than the Camel packs I would have opted for the insertion of a pair of 20mm Oerlikon cannons, but I kept my mouth shut as I actually quite like the idea of having your breasts as a paper weight for the office :D
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
S Military History and Militaria 34
flyboyEB Miscellaneous Jokes 0
flyboyEB Miscellaneous Jokes 0

Similar threads

New Posts

Latest Threads