Places your man porridge has gone..... without meaning it

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Wija, Jul 20, 2007.

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  1. Back in the youth of my life I was on the nest with the girlfriend of the time, and I pulled out my pole from her sopping flange and sprayed my man muck - some of which landed in her ear. I was all off 2 metres away as I has stood up at the end of the bed to "let her see my porridge gun in full firing display".
    She was laying there all oh yeah baby, and my first wad went straight at her face - nice shot, at which she turned her head to the left. Next shot soon followed and went right in her ear!!!

    She laughed about it later - having used a full tub of cotton buds to get the "evil butter" out..

    So where have you gentlemen put your muck without trying... and ladies - have you been given a "salty wash surprise"!!
  2. What was you trying to do? "white wash her memory" lol
  3. I spunked in my Mum once, i didn't mean to, i should have used the withdrawal method.

    Now i have a son AND a brother, it's great!
  4. When aiming for a pearl necklace I aimed off and get a lot up her nose, many a snigger was had when she had a cold/runny nose after that.
  5. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    In Watford Gap services.
  6. Wija 72 asks ladies - have you been given a "salty wash surprise"!!

    Many many times, too many to mention in the heat of the moment that salty wash surprise could end up anywhere ... prefer down my throat though! B/F says it's way better than any multi vitamin tablets! and I've taken his word for it. He always says "why would I lie"?
  7. In that case, it is great for your eyesight... you should try it instead of eye drops!
  8. From the top of the Twin Towers - can't do that anymore.
  9. Ah so thats where i've been going wrong! only thing is when he's about to explode He has this habit of ramming it down a little bit more... holds my head there so I can't really do anything till it's all over! Says he does that in case my mouth slips ... ever so considerate he is ....
  10. On the new flat screen.

    I was receiving fantastic oral stimulation when at the point of no return i advised the young lady of the fact and she turned her head to one side pulled away!

    Unfortunately we were a bit to close to the telly and i think it was Ant and Deck got the lot!!
  11. Changing "Why aye mon" to "MY EYE MAN!"
  12. Dimly lit Parisienne cinema with G/F. She administered a very pleasant five finger shuffle with the resulting eruption landing on the head of the bloke in the row in front. Had great difficulty simultaneously trousering manhood and fending off punch from Frenchbloke.

    A nice girl who sadly succumbed to ovarian cancer in 1994. I shall raise a glass in her memory now (as there's no f-ing play at Lord's) thanks to this thread
  13. A few moons ago I was fiddling with a rather handsome rugby boy type and enjoyed many a tumble dans le sack. All was going swimmingly, so I had thought until one crisp autumn morn.

    I was getting myself ready for work, bag - check, mobile - check, keys - check, smart high heels for the meeting - oh they're in the hall.... Off I pop to the hallway and my snozzle whiffs at a rather pungent odour I recognise. Thinking a bit of harry monk must be about my person, for we had fiddled this morning, I surveyed myself in the mirror. No, no sign of it. Ahh well I think and go to slip my foot into the black leather stiletto, only to find a slippery cream coloured wodge of man porridge in my shoe!!!

    Turns out he had a fetish for shoes/feet and had been fiddling and sniffing with my shoes for weeks, but on this occassion it turns out he couldn't resist the urge to, and I quote, "fuck it"... 8O
  14. In the back of a 4 tonner :D