Pissing on people.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by CDT gruntfuttock, Dec 10, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Of late, I've been bloody bored. So I decided to invest in a bottle of the local off licence's cheapest and vilest alcoholic swill .
    Toddling down to the beach with my big feck off box of cheap beer, I proceeded to crack a cold one open while sitting on my ratty old OG jacket on the sand, ogling the pert young bouncy things that trotted past to the waves and generally enjoying the day. Fast forward about an hour, I'd consumed about half of the tins of beer (it was beginning to taste less crap) and I decided to have a little sleep on the sand.
    I woke up around half an hour later with a bladder the size of a small african country and a pressing need to relieve it of around three litres of cheap booze.
    Waddling slightly, I set off for the bogs after stuffing my beer into my bag (damn people will nick everything) and slinging it over my shoulder. As I entered the bogs, trap one was occupied, leaving me only trap two, the grottiest bog I've ever seen, smears of shite on the seat, nuggets on the floor and a used condom perched on the cistern. I was tempted to wait for the other trap's occupant to leave, but the pressure on my already distended bladder was reaching jeans-soaking point , and I wasn't keen on filling my boots, so I pulled wee gruntfuttock out and proceeded to ease springs.
    My head however, had other plans.
    Due to the large quantity of beer I had consumed, the old balance was a little off, and the pack slung hapazardly across one shoulder wasn't helping. I fell sideways mid-flow, smacking my head against the side of the cubicle, and directing a powerful stream of rather foul smelling piss onto the floor of the bogs.
    Alas, for the gentleman sitting in the next thunderbox had positioned his foot near enough to the side to receive a damn good splashing of my thundering piss stream.
    A loud swearing and crashing was heard from the other trap, with this man departing in a flurry of motion and a squelching footstep.
    After finishing up and regaining my balance, and wiping the worst of the splashes off my jeans, I departed with alacrity from the bog fearing dreadful retribution, and quick-marched back home expecting a man with a soggy sandal to come tearing after me with malice in his eye.

    My question is, what is correct etiquette after an incident like this? A firm handshake and a 'sorry about your shoes'? or legging it while shouting "tough luck wet socks" ?
     
  2. Dunno - I committed suicide halfway through that post
     
    • Like Like x 2
  3. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    I didn't make it past the first line.


    Posted from the afterlife on my IGhost.
     
  4. You are the sole reason why high velocity rounds were invented and bullying is increasing in popularity.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  5. TheresaMay

    TheresaMay LE Moderator DirtyBAT

    You're drinking, on your own, on some empty beach with facilities akin to Jawick-on-sea, the most vile cheap shite in the offy to the point of total lack of control...

    ...and you're worried about toilet etiquette?

    And having sunken this low, you still manage to maintain internet access and be compus enough to find the 'Register', 'Login', and 'Password' prompts and fill them in correctly.

    To answer your question about etiquette - I think the correct answer is to ask yourself "What do I expect to get out of posting what I'm about to post".

    And then decide not to.
     
  6. CDT you are a Tramp! I claim my diesel soaked balaclava!
     
  7. Why would anyone eat KFC in the shitter ?
     
  8. Brotherton Lad

    Brotherton Lad LE Reviewer

    Just walk into the sea and piss there like everyone else does. Or dig a moat round your 'sandcastle' and fill it up.
     
  9. Never knew tramps had any concern for etiquette.

    Live and learn.

    *edit*

    Damn you sebcoe for getting there before me.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  10. I read the title and thought it was going to be about our own mall ninja and his tramp pissing exploits....

    Sinner

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using ARRSE mobile app
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. Talk about sinking to the depths of depravity - a wino Walt FFS!
     
    • Like Like x 2
  12. I'm not familiar with the correct etiquette however the Law for such GBFH (Grievous bodily fluid harm) entitles the victim to be allowed to wipe his arse with your coat sleeve.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  13. I hope that if I ever sink so low, some kind friend from my youth will do his best for me, by shooting me in the head and disposing of my corpse in a lime-pit.
     
  14. I hope that if you had sunk so low that you'd top yourself first. If you do sink lower than a politician, would you mind staggering to the lime pit so you can be shot there? It would just make things easier than being caught dragging a tramps corpse out of the car. Don't get me started on the fuss of cleaning the car of tramp urine.
     
  15. correct ettioquette is surly to blame somebody else