Pirates

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by vinniethemanxcat, Nov 14, 2010.

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  1. I was telling my wife that Paul and Rachel Chandler have been released by Somalian pirates.


    "They had to pay them a million dollars though..." I said, "...which coincidentally is what you look like."


    "What? A million Dollars?"


    "No darling... a Somalian pirate."
     
  2. Some light humour


    Why are women like clouds?
    Eventually they fu*k off and its a really nice day.
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    What's the difference between light and hard?
    You can sleep with a light on.
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    A man walks into a petrol station and says, 'can I please have a Kit Kat
    Chunky?'
    The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
    'No,' says the man, 'I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch.'
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    My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood
    rings so she could monitor my mood.
    We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am
    in a bad mood, it leaves a big fu*king big red mark on her forehead.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    I was at an ATM when an old lady came up and asked me to check her balance.
    So I pushed her over.
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    Zebu, a half blind five year old south African orphan, has to ride 7 miles a
    day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no
    brakes.

    Give just small donation of 2 dollars and we'll send you the video, it's
    fu*king hilarious....
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My mother-in-law is an angel'.
    The reply from his friend......'You're so fu*king lucky...Mine's still
    alive...'
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    A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
    The librarian says; 'Fu*k off, you won't bring it back.'
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10
    minutes.
    'Geeeeez mate, that was impressive!'
    'I get lots of practice' Replied the other guy. 'My wife's an epileptic'
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, 'you've all got 30 seconds
    to get out!'
    The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, 'you cu*t!'
     
  3. What's the difference between an egg and a wank?

    You can beat an egg.