Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by vvaannmmaann, Dec 25, 2009.

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  1. (Sorry,I can't spell haemorrhoids.)

    My Farmer Giles' started itching a few day's ago.I got some Germaloids suppositories.Now I have some questions.

    How long after insertion can I take a Tom Tit?
    Should my crap be smellier than before?
    Should I have gone for the 12 or 24 pack?

    That is all.Thank you.
  2. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Tough shit :lol:

  3. 24, definitely.


    Let us know when it's in.
  4. 1] Have tom tit first - then put it in

    2] Sh1t will not be smellier, but will be coated in wax, as if you have partaken of bumlove. [so I've been told]

    3] 24 pack definately. Also require 24 pack of shreddies as your gasket will allow a leakage of the wax on the suppositeries so as to grease your arrse ready for the next tom tit.

    4] DONT eat any extra roughage to 'HELP' with the movements. It fcuking hurts when shredded wheat rips your ring to pieces
  5. Ahh yes piles. The barstards. My doc told me that I could take (more roughage - difficult as I was eating enough all bran to be equiv to an oak tree a day) more fruit, or have em chopped off. Having heard how painfull a hoopectomy is, I told him that when I die they are coming to hell with me.

    Use the HC version of the suppositories. No I dont know what it stands for.

    See you in hell.
  6. Having just had my first attack of the Chalfonts and been required to modify my diet radically, I have had to come to terms with the surprising facts that:

    1. Fruit comes in forms other than fermented hops and grapes.

    2. Branston pickle does not actually contain bran.

    3. Roughage is actually a dietary, not sexual term.
  7. Stick to the Germeloids Ointment, have used it for years and it does stop the itch.
  8. TRY one pint of guinness that's gone off,and a very HOT Vindaloo,that should take care of your problem.Oh! Make sure you put the bog role in the fridge before you begin.
  9. OK thank you all for your "help"!
  10. Be like the constipated mathematician-----work it out with a pencil!
  11. Your cracker jokes weren't too good this year were they?
  12. Wire brush and Dettol and man the fUck up
  13. No, but they're a hell off a lot funnier than your LITTLE pile of troubles,I've got a redundant air cushion,any use for it? The long haired one got the cure! I never felt a thing other than earache. :D
  14. Get a length of cotton thread and a VERY good friend...