Pig Boards

[The_Big_Floater]

Yeh before it is asked, I have been on the Gin again.....

For the younger members of ARRSE, before the invention of the internet, whilst on tour to meet up with chicks and hippocrockapigs you had the illustrious Forces Echo.. within the pages of this Armed Forces paper you would have columns of pen friend ads. (well one or two).

As part of the game you would write to quite a few of these lovelies and big yourselves up as war heroes, ( Split in 1996 was a war zone you know ). Hopefully these girls would believe your every word and be getting dead excited that they were writing to a VC winner and pretty much do everything. This would include sending pictures and Soiled knickers for those with that fettish. Now what would end up with this tat and pictures you may ask, some kept for your personnal wank bank in the old portaloo or a lovely ordained board would be placed up with all of this stuff for you to share with the troop.

To the older boys on here, what sort of things did you ask, recieve or infact do to bluff the fairer sex to fill your pig boards, what sort of display did you have in troop lines, did you RV at their locations and do the dirty, be honest if they were dogs admit it and as a point of interest how many rug rats were there when you got there with the chick hoping for a 'just add dad'... and if anyone has still got pictures from that time hidden away feel free to let the ARRSE community poke fun at you...

I have no pictures but can start by saying that in 96 and 98 I was very busy with a couple of chicks, but got caught out using the wrong names.... didn't help, thank god the car was a rental..... OH and yes I didn't marry any of them

 

[B_AND_T]

Who said care in the community works?

 

[postman_twit]

We had a pig board on each floor in the block. It was taken really seriously with crates at stake each month.

 

[The_Big_Floater]

Who said care in the community works?

Yeh baby, how r u BnT, it is a way of reducing sex crimes I believe your collection was huge from what I've been told, I heard you had a bad case of writers cramp......

 

[Markintime]

We had a nasty incident once when a lad posted the picture of this right dirty cow who he used to shag. Turned out she had met another squaddie and married him and he was the new MT corporal who was not amused!

 

[scoobydont]

One fairly presentable but emotionally unstable young lady wrote a letter that ended up pinned to the pig board along with her photo.
The lads then took it in turns to write to her, (All letters printed out on the same computer printer so she didnt twig about the handwritting) Each letter and reply was then added to the pig board so that the next guy would know how far the relationship had progressed.
Each one of us tried to out do the others in trying to get pictures and underwear sent to us and comeing up with excuses as to why no photo was ever sent back.

The young girls sanity slowly unravelled as the letters rapidly flowed back and forth between England and Bosnia with tales of darring do, bloody gun battles, undieing love, poposals of marriage, sexual fantasies, personal abuse and variouse other lies and bullshit.
I went back to good old Blighty before the inevitable messy finale and I am not at all proud of my part in her mental breakdown.








Serves the bitch right for getting her clacker out after only 4 letters the dirty little trollop.






Yes I would have done it given half a chance and no I dont know anyone who did shag her.

 

[Draft Dodger]

i wrote to her Majesty the Queen but she never sent me her knickers.

 

[havocthecat]

One of the lads in my Platoon, sometime around 98 maybe went and hooked up with one of the whores who worked the local knocking shop near our barracks in BAOR.

Felt a bit sorry for the lad as he wasn't a bad bloke just incredibly gullible and fell in love in a blink of an eye.
Pictures of his new wife were popping up all over the dogs board with different blokes hanging out of her various orrifices, on a regular basis.

She stopped working for a while just after they'd gotten hitched but literally hundreds of blokes had been through her by then and the photo evidence was indesputable.
Used to see him staring forlornly at the board every morning as another little piece of his soul was torn from his body.
Reached the end of his tether when a pic of her appeared completely air tight with an obvious 4th bloke in there to take the picture.
Shocking yet completely self inflicted.....daft cunt.

Dirty pictures though.....

 

[Fablonbiffchitthe1st]

Met up with a lass (as least she was a female of some species which had mastered the art of waking upright whilst bearing a striking resemblance to heffer) in her native town of Cardiff see? I went armed with her pic (the lass in the pic was pretty and I naively assumed the letter writer to be her ), lots of money, a hirecar (Mini Metro 1.0) and my overnight kit. Stopped off along the way to buy some instant squaddie shower (deodorant to you uneducated ones) and some Joop. Happy days. Got to Cardiff and pulls up to her house. Knocks on the door. Fuck me the lass who answered she was fucking sexonlegs. I mumbled some pervy greeting and called her Claire. "Oh I aint Claire love. Thats my sis. 'Ang on an' I'll get 'er for you". So it transpired that the lass in pic was not the one I was meeting but her sexonlegs sister who had just answered the door and invited me in. Alarm bells were starting to slowly turn in my head but I ignored them as you do. A few minutes later this vision of pure and unbelievable mingingness came down the stairs. Jeans, tent for a top with nicotine stained teeth and bottle blondish hair. "Hiya love. I'm Claire. Ow was yer trip?" Needless to say that night and in keeping with finest traditions of Her Majesty's Army I committed bestiality. I am not ashamed.
If I may offer this advice though to any sprog thinking of meeting up with a pigboard bird. Just nail it.

 

[vvaannmmaann]

A piccie of the "sexonlegs" one please

 

[Markintime]

I used to work the doors on a disco down in Cornwall and got pally with one of the other doormen who was called Marcus. We both had a habit of picking up the creme of the crop from the partying girls and shagging for Britain.

Twice I was taken to court on paternity suits (in those days it was done on blood group) only to find that the baby in question was beautifully brown skinned with deep brown eyes and woolly black hair. It seemed that Marcus used to give them my name.

Seems only fair, I used to give them his.

 

[mediumwhiteamericano]

One of the lads in my Platoon, sometime around 98 maybe went and hooked up with one of the whores who worked the local knocking shop near our barracks in BAOR.

Felt a bit sorry for the lad as he wasn't a bad bloke just incredibly gullible and fell in love in a blink of an eye.
Pictures of his new wife were popping up all over the dogs board with different blokes hanging out of her various orrifices, on a regular basis.

She stopped working for a while just after they'd gotten hitched but literally hundreds of blokes had been through her by then and the photo evidence was indesputable.
Used to see him staring forlornly at the board every morning as another little piece of his soul was torn from his body.
Reached the end of his tether when a pic of her appeared completely air tight with an obvious 4th bloke in there to take the picture.
Shocking yet completely self inflicted.....daft cunt.

Dirty pictures though.....

Club 2000 - Munster - Christeen?

 

[havocthecat]

Club 2000 - Munster - Christeen?

Beehive-paderborn-andrea.

 

[Munter Hunter]

Not exactly a pig board but I do have a distant memory a local pig (read right fucking pig) having her name included on the block jobs board.

 

[Hector_Chavez_V]

I wrote to my local rag saying me and another lad required cheering up in Kosovo.

It worked a fucking treat! Amongst the phots we received one was of a bird squeezing milk out of her tits and another was of a woman who could have doubled as a Derby Day race winner.

 

[Fablonbiffchitthe1st]

A piccie of the "sexonlegs" one please

I would have been happy to oblige but this was nearly 18 years ago. I have long disposed of any pic.

 

[oldbaldy]

We had a nasty incident once when a lad posted the picture of this right dirty cow who he used to shag. Turned out she had met another squaddie and married him and he was the new MT corporal who was not amused!

My Sgt wrote to a bird when we were in the Falklands and when we came back married her. Couple of month later a Cpl from a rifle coy came into the office when the Sgt was out & told everyone how he used to correspond with her. My Cpls 'persuaded' him to bring them in for scrutiny. I made sure I was out of the office when he did but the lads made sure I knew the contents.

 

[supermatelot]

I had lots of fun for a couple of months writing to some bloke in nick who thought he was writing to a wren!
We got into trouble as well for replying to one letter in crayon and drawing a picture of "our pet goldfish". Turned out the letter was from a speshul person and her mum complained at our response.

 

[genuine_exscaley]

We had a pig board on each floor in the block. It was taken really seriously with crates at stake each month.

Although in the Signals, I was posted to HMS Intrepid for a tour. It's called a Gronk board in the Navy. One of my SigTroop colleagues had the dubious honour of winning every time we had a visitor to our mess from another ship. In our trip down to Oz (August '71) he met and got engaged to (in the space of a week) this creature whose only redeeming feature was that her father ran a Holden Automobile plant; A jaw like Desperate Dan, one roaming eye - the other looked at you, red hair, flat chested, taller than he was. He put her picture up on the Gronk board - and the visitor would take one look at her and say "I'll get the beers in!"

 

[crash test]

One fine morning back in mid 90's when I was crew chiefing in NI, one of the lads just happened to point out the mornings copy of that well known comic, The Daily Star.
Upon perusing the afore mentioned "paper" my attention was drawn to an article entitled " B-Crews Top Ten Tits ".
Hang on a minute, but I'm the Crew Chief of B-Crew, and I didn't send this in!!
Never did find who it was, but imagine my delight as every letter we recieved addressed to the crew, I had to open!!
All was gratefully received ladies and ended up on the wall of the line office.
There are some right filthy scutters out there!!