Picked up an ugly whore? Best call the coppers then!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by brettarider, Jun 13, 2013.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Fuck me are Brummies the thickest cunts on the planet?

    A man has been warned after he dialled 999 to complain about a prostitute's looks after meeting her.
    West Midlands Police said they were contacted by the caller who said he "wished to report her for breaching the Sale of Goods Act".
    The force said the call was received at about 19:30 BST on Tuesday complaining that the woman was not as attractive as she had claimed.
    Officers have now sent the man a letter warning him about wasting police time.
    West Midlands Police said the man had claimed he met the woman in a hotel car park.
    "The caller claimed that the woman had made out she was better looking than she actually was and he wished to report her for breaching the Sale of Goods Act," a spokesperson for the force said.
    "When he raised this issue with the woman concerned, she allegedly took his car keys, ran away from the car and threw them back at him, prompting him to call police."
    'It was unbelievable' During the call, the man can be heard to say: "I've arranged a meeting with her, but beforehand I've asked her for an honest description, otherwise when I get there I'm not going to use her services.
    "Basically she has misdescribed herself, misrepresented herself totally.
    "She was angry because she obviously thinks I owe her a living or something."
    Sgt Jerome Moran, based at Solihull police station, called the man back to offer some advice.
    He said: "It was unbelievable - he genuinely believed he had done nothing wrong and that the woman should have been investigated by police for misrepresentation.
    "I told him that she'd not committed any offences and that it was his actions, in soliciting for sex, that were in fact illegal."
    Despite the man refusing to give his details, police were able to identify him and have sent him a letter warning him about his actions.
    The Sale of Goods Act 1979 gives consumers legal rights, stipulating goods which are sold must be of satisfactory quality, be fit for purpose and must match the seller's description.

    BBC News - Man calls Solihull police to complain about prostitute's looks
     
  2. Ahem.....

    Brummies = Fairly good sense of humour without too much PC nonsense.

    Solihull = Middle class thickoes just like all the others.

    Fucking good try though and if you have seen some of the prostitutes around here you would agree with him.
     
  3. I suspect he was from farther afield than Brum originally having just listened to the call.

    Prince Albert wouldn`t have liked it too much.
     
  4. He was expecting a kirsten Stewart lookalike and end up with a Patrick Stewart, surely caveat emptor applies.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Like Like x 3
    • Like Like x 2
  5. I think I shagged that one myself........thick cow......she didn't realise she'd been raped until my cheque bounced!
     
    • Like Like x 4
  6. I always find streetwalking crack Hos to be extremely attractive.
    Has anyone seen my Guide Dog BTW?
     
  7. Don't they scrub up well.....

    [​IMG]
     
  8. FFS, I was only gonna charge him a fiver!
     
  9. I'm not sure that this will come across so well with the written word, but it's worth a go.

    Chap I knew a long time ago had a knocking shop in North Manchester - remember, it's my job to know everyone who's doing anything that involves hard dicks in Manchester and further afield. This was before the internet was the be all and end all of anything to do with this industry and he relied mostly on those little contact mags for his trade.. the ones with the tiny little photos.

    He lived by the maxim,'If I can get them and their dick here, I'll make some money' and was famous for bullshitting his customers, often disputing the evidence of their own eyes. Sometimes Monty Python-esque in its surreality, it was quite a pantomime.

    He was the man who like to say 'Yes' on the phone and would always claim to have someone who was perfect for the customer - regardless of who he actually had in on the day.

    I overheard one particular conversation that epitomised the above - the customer must have liked a bit of rough, because I heard him bill one girl as 'over 6ft tall, very athletic and an ex bodyguard'... she was 5ft 5, thin as a rake, drug addled, nearly 50, been a prostitute all her life and black. (which he didn't mention) He also claimed that she was the specific girl that the customer asked for... which she wasn't.

    When the customer arrived, he literally argued black was white, thus -

    'That's not Charlene'

    'Yes it is, those mags make it difficult to tell'

    'She's black, ffs'

    'No she's not, she's been on holiday'

    'Holiday???!!!... she's black as the ace of spades'

    'Well, she's quite dark, I admit, but black girls are better, don't you think. And it IS Charlene?'

    'No it's not, I've met her before'

    'Oh.. er.. there used to be a different Charlene here many years ago.. that must have been her. (quite forgetting what he'd made up on the phone just a few minutes earlier) This Charlene is much better'

    'You said she was over 6ft tall'

    'She is - in heels'

    'No she's not'

    'Well, nearly'

    'She is, in heels'

    'You said she was fit as fuck'

    'She is.. look at her, she's only 5st'

    'That's not fit, it's skinny'

    'Well, that's your opinion.. I think she's fit.. do you want her or not?'

    'I suppose I'll have to now. I haven't got time to go anywhere else. Have you got that police outfit?'

    'No, she hasn't got a police outfit'

    'You said she specialised in uniforms'

    'She does, but we haven't got any'

    'But you said you did'

    'That's the other Charlene'

    'But you said it was THIS Charlene'

    'I didn't say anything, it was the boss - he must have mixed the Charlene's up. Now it's getting late. Do you want something or not? I could knock a tenner off for your confusion'

    'MY confusion?!?!?! Yes, I'll do anal with her'

    'Anal? That's extra!'

    'Extra? I thought you were knocking a tenner off?....' '

    I did, but we put the prices up. Had to. How much you got? £50? Hmm... can do you a hand job for that i suppose. We don't like to see customers go away disappointed'

    And the customer took it.

    Many years later, quite recently actually, I got in a row with him and the twat tied me up in similar knots. Ringing me up from Thailand pissed every day, saying something different, then following up with emails - sometimes only a few minutes later - saying something totally different.

    The old twat.

    D_L
     
    • Like Like x 2
  10. Is that because you're a cunt?
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. Pretty much.
     
  12. The phone call to WMP.