Phrases that politicians use

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by weekend_worrier, Oct 30, 2012.

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  1. Following on from this thread:

    http://www.arrse.co.uk/naafi-bar/189647-words-only-occur-media-8.html

    'An indiscretion' - One of your MPs has been caught cottaging, or he's just been caught on tape telling a racist joke whilst on the piss at the party conference.
    'A conflict of interest' - When a Minister makes a decision that (oddly enough) enriches a company whose board he or she sits on.
    'Colourful personality' - (for a Tory MP) Someone who complained about the fact that Robertson's got rid of the Golliwog on their jam jars, and can't understand why he caused offence by naming his Labrador 'Sambo'; (for a Labour MP) Someone who once shilled for the IRA, and who does shindigs to Gaza to meet Hamas.
    'Research Assistant' - Some young bint you're doing on the side.
    'Momentary lapse of judgement' - You've just been caught with your fingers in the till.
    'I have full confidence in ...' - He is a dead man walking, and you'll be reading his resignation statement this time tomorrow.
    'I have resigned on a matter of principle' - I'm throwing a hissy fit because I haven't been promoted, and that position I wanted in the Cabinet/Shadow Cabinet I coveted has gone to my deadliest rival.
    'A long-standing colleague' - A bitter rival whose guts I hate as much as he/she hates mine.
    'I am sorry if I caused any offence' - I'm sorry you're such a bunch of thin-skinned whining cunts.
    'The right honourable gentleman' - Is anything but ...
    'The time has come for me to spend more time with my family' - I'm resigning before I get sacked, in an effort to preserve some dignity.
    'The time has come for me to give way for new blood' - My constituents hate my guts, and I fear that I'll be as humiliated as Portillo was come the next election.