Philip & the Pontiff

The Pontiff arrives in Britain today and is due to be met by the Duke of Edinburgh. What might Philip say when greeting his Holiness?

  • What-o Krauty!
  • What-o Adolf!
  • So how come you're a Hun not a Spick?
  • Shall we sing "Tomorrow Belongs to Me" now or later?

"Well you're a funny looking bugger aren't you fritzy, why the hell are you wearing a dress?"

"Bloody hell Lizzy, I was right all along. He does wear a funny hat"

"Morning Bosch. Listen, theres an old bird behind me with a few gold teeth if you want them"

"So you're the Pope are you? Marvellous, and what do you do? Good, splendid, and you.......ooh look a squirrel"
How the devil are you?
"Thanks for lending the grandson that armband"

" So when you said - "Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached."
Is that a Papal gaffe? Don't worry I do that sort of thing all the time"

"Red shoes? Are you a puff?"
"To be honest Klaus I've got no bloody idea who you are or what you want. I was beating the man servant when old face ache showed up and told me to meet some bloody foreigner on a farcical religious something-or-other. Don't suppose you've seen him have you? Would you like a Werthers while we wait?"
"Don't suppose you've brought any of those Umpalumpas that hang around your gaff have you? They look bloody good fun."
"A large doner with chips for me......Liz, fancy anything?"
In the Hitler youth were you? Can't see what the fuss is about. One of my uncles used to run the whole bloody issue.
"I'd just like to say on behalf of Her Majesty and the British Public........Two World Wars and one World Cup, do da, do da!"
(Setting the scene, Phil the Greek and Il Papa (i.e Ratzi the Nazi) 'bigging it up' in the room behind the balcony at Buck House before the big appearance - there's a crowd of left-footers in the Mall going mental at the thought of seeing the kiddy diddler-in-chief).

Pope Ratzinger (for it is he): So, Philip - do you know I can silence this crowd with a wave of my hand?

Phil the Greek: No?!

Pope Ratzi: (Goes on to the balcony, the gullible below go wild - he waves his hands - silence!)
Ratzi, Sotto voce to Phil the Greek: See?

Phil the Greek: That is impressive but - do you know I can start a riot with a nod of my head?

Ratzi: No!

Phil: Yes (and nuts the Pope)
....................................................................................... <Nazi Salute>


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Does Phil have a good singing voice, if so he could serenade the Pontiff: definatley definatly NSFW


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