pheasant shooting with mongos

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by taff_dee, Jan 25, 2006.

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  1. i have a bit of a dilema and i thought maybe the lads in arrse could help me.

    This season on my local pheasant shoot some fecking genius has let a full on mlllaaaarrrrring spastic in to the beating ranks. I had my doubts at first but he did seem to prove to be of good comedy value as he would run up and down the line with a smiling face and the joyful sound of mmmlllaaarrr. When he would see a pheasant he would chase it round like the fecking spaz he is. at lunch time we sit him out in the yard with the dogs and give him his very own bowl. He is able to sniff a few dogs arrses and he seems happy enough.

    However on saturday it is beaters day when we all get to shoot for free, and the fecking idiots are gonna give the spaz his own shotgun to use. what am i to do, i was looking forward to this day when there was the small chance of him aimlessly wandering in to my firing line and being able to mistake him for some fat low flying fecking mllaaarrring pheasant but this has really f**ked up my plans .I mean i am always up for a bit of sport but letting the c*nts shoot back that is going too far. Maybe i could take him to one side and show him that the end with the two round holes should point at your stomach and the wood bit should point at the bird.

    Any suggestions on how to get rid of this liability would be appreciated.
  2. Easy.

    Give him a haversack of cartridges for his 12-gauge, but make sure one of them is a 20-gauge cartridge. Then, when he loads the 20-g, it will slip down the barrel a bit because of it's smaller circumference. This means that the firing pin will not hit the cap, so the cartridge will not be fired. Neither will the cartridge be extracted - being the mong he is, he'll not notice that two shells went in, bit only one came out. He'll then load another two 12-g cartridges, except one is already loaded on top of another cartridge. Hey-presto! One burst shotgun barrel, and mong either MLAAAARing in pain or gone to the place in the sky for mongs.

    Above method as seen on midsomer murders.

    Alternatively, tell the mong that you're going to play at duelling or something, but just get him to point the shotgun at you, with seeming intent to shoot. "MLAAR" can be accepted as intent to shoot - who knows what it fcuking means. Now, just shoot him. "It was self-defence, your honour!"
  3. Intercept said mong and offer to swap his shooter for a nice shiney red balloon.
  4. Tell him he must wear a balaklava, then direct him to the nearest convenience store. Your local police will be happy to do the rest.
  5. Rub him down with a bottle of that very potent 'Elk Scent' and hope some giant Deer pounds him into tomorrow.

    If that doesn't work, try taking the shot out of the cartridges and let him 'bang away' all day with no real danger.

    Failing that - may I suggest a good set of body armour?

    [Just thinking - perhaps he's one of those hyper-clever Autistic mentals who has the ability to down 30 pheasants simultaneously....from the hip]
  6. ... excellent!
  7. Give him blanks for the 12 bore, preferably black power blanks. Huge noise, dense white smoke and huge enjoyment for the spaz. And any nearby Guns, beaters, pickers-up and mong-handlers are kept free from the danger.
  8. Stick a carrot in the barrel (a'la Bugs Bunny). It always works on Elmer Fud.....a complete MLAARing mong if I ever saw one

  9. He is definately not one of these. f*ck knows how he manages to walk and only ocasionaly can he string a sentence together even though it is mllllaaar mmlllaaarrr mmmlllarrr. Even my dog looks at him and feels sorry for him. But i am trying to teach him that is bad and he should go after him like he is a pheasant as i am trying to train him up for a day at shortfuses mong hunting ranch and country club.

    That gives me an idea does any one know where i can get one of those net shooting guns so i can trap this fine specimen of a mong and i need a seditive and a van with a cage in the back to get him up the ranch. Cos those mongs are strong little feckers and got a mean temper if you pish them off.