Pet shop purchase

Discussion in 'Armed Forces Jokes' started by rationpack, Nov 23, 2011.

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  1. A tourist walked into a pet store looking at the animals on display.
    While he was there, an officer from the local Naval base walked in and said to the shopkeeper "I'll take one of those monkeys, please."

    The shopkeeper nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it the officer, saying, "That'll be $1,000, please." The officer paid and left with the monkey.

    The surprised tourist went to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did that one cost so much?"

    The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that's a special technician monkey, he can rig a frigate, pass the Navy's Fitness Test, set up a port defence and perform the duties of any warrant officer with no back talk or complaints. It's well worth the money".

    The tourist then spotted a monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! $5,000! What does it do?" he asked.

    "Oh, that one" replied the shopkeeper. "That's an "Engineer Officer"monkey. It can instruct at all levels of maintenance, supervise maintenance of the ship, intermediate, and fleet level, and even do all of the paperwork. A very useful monkey indeed".

    The tourist looked around a little longer and found a third monkey in a cage. The price tag was $10,000. The shocked tourist exclaimed, "This one costs more than all the others put together! What in the world can it do?"

    "To be quite honest" said the shopkeeper "I've never actually seen him do anything but drink beer, play with his dick and wind-up the other monkeys, but his papers say he's a Royal Marine Sniper."
    • Like Like x 6
  2. Nice one!!

    I am going to ruthlesly nick that!!
    • Like Like x 1
  3. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    How original!

    Not seen that for yea...mon..wee...days.
  4. AlienFTM

    AlienFTM LE Book Reviewer

    Bloke was walking home past the pet shop. In the window was a sign. TOOTHLESS FERRETS - LAST 2 REMAINING.

    He walks in and asks the owner what's special about toothless ferrets. Without a word the pet shop owner takes a ferret and drops it inside his pants. A few seconds later there's a broad smile on his face.

    Bloke says, "I'll take them."

    He gets home, walks into the kitchen and plonks the two ferrets on the worktop. She looks up from where she is hard at work preparing dinner and asks, "What do you expect me to do with those?"

    "Teach them to cook, pack yer bags and move out."


    This woman walks past the pet shop. the owner is taking down a sign reading TOOTHLESS FERRETS - LAST 2 REMAINING and replacing it with another reading CLITORIS-LICKING FROG - 1 ONLY.

    She walks in and asks the owner what's special about clitoris-licking frogs.

    He replies. "Voulez-vous me montrer, madame?"
  5. A guy walks into a pet shop and asks How much are your wasps?? I dont sell wasps the shopkeeper replys.. Well you have got one in your window!!!!!!!