Personal problems; can I help?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by old_fat_and_hairy, Jun 19, 2007.

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  1. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Having spent a lot of valuable (to my employer, if not me) time perusing the pages of this site, it occurs that a number of you are in sore need of a personal and confidential help line, something like the beloved Dear Diedre, or Ask Abby. he sort of pages we all read in womens magazines.

    I offer my very many years of experience in romantic, sexual, medical and general counselling to you. All queries will be dealt with is the strictest confidence, and only me and my specially trained monkey - sorry- staff will see your query. Oh, and the other ARRSE members.
    So, please feel free to ask advice on any subject, and for the ARRSE maidens, the more intimate and sexual nature of your query the better.
  2. where do babies come from?
  3. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Should I fake my orgasms?
  4. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Don't you already?
  5. Whats an Orgasm?? :?
  6. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Mothercare, of course.
  7. Dear OFAH,

    i'm currently in a bit of a quandry... and hope you can help. i've recently started seeing a young girl from the local council estate and my family (all very well bred) are giving me a hard time about his. They say that i'm bringing shame on the family by hanging around with this girl. I really don't know why they are being like this, although she wears tracksuit bottoms and has them tucked into her socks, and won't be seen dead without her kappa trainers on, i think she is the one for me! We have a great time together, and the sex is great, she does anything and pleads with me not to wear a condom (she insists that this is for my pleasure and has no plans to get pregnant)! She is a very inteligent girl and is studying hair and beauty at college, so she obviously has a very bright future ahead of her, but how can i make my pompous family see this???

    please help


  8. OFH do u by any chance know anything about S&M? My latest love says he's into it big time ... Me being a born again virgin I wouldn't know where to begin! what I want to know is, does it involve pain? B/F was talking about sticking an orange up my rear end, I said "hold on a minute love ... thats always been a no go area! .. "bit like a mine field and still like the virgin Mary there" .. so he said he'd start off by shoving a clemantine up there, just to break me in like! still sounds very painful ... Any suggestions
  9. see what i did there?? clever eh?? if this takes off, i want royalties!!
  10. chimera

    chimera LE Moderator

    Ask your father
  11. Of course you should! nothing like faking it .. when he's on top shouting and roaring "i'm cummin" I just reply "so am I dear, just tell me where we are supposed to be going and i will get my coat" ... great anti-climax
  12. Uncle Hairy I am in a pickle, your Mum wants me to give her one but I think she is a munter how can I let her down gently so that if I do get that drunk and change my mind she will let me
  13. Dear OFAH

    I keep falling into time/space vortexes after drinking in the mess, and lose large portions of the day. I often wake up in a swamped bed many hours later with no recollection of getting there.

    How can i avoid this, and is it because aliens are experimenting on me?

  14. Dear OFAH,

    I need your help on what could be a very crucial decision.The usual signs. When the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls alot recently and when I ask their names she always just says "Just some friends from work,you dont know them". I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the driveway. Anyway, I have never approached this subject with my wife. I think deep down I just want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her. I decided I was going to park my BMW R1150 GS motor cycle next to the garage and hide behind it so that i could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my bike that I noticed that the valve covers of my engine seem to be leaking a little oil.

    Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
  15. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor