Personal Humiliation Gets You Laid?

#1
Was out last night with a pal hadn't seen in a couple of years. Neither of us is anywhere ' spring chicken-hood' as it were .... He's been divorced for 5 years and had to ' rebuild' [ his words] after being on the losing end of the settlement..but was now back in the game looking for luv in all the wrong places.

We're sat at a bar and he spies a potential ardent admirer at a table. He says ' excuse me, I'll call you later ' , grabs his drink off the counter and walks over.

What he said next stunned me but, damn , if it didn't work and they left together and I'm still waiting for his call.

HIM: Pardon me, but if you don't mind my asking.. is your pussy one of those that's small and tight?
HER: Turning bright red and sputtering " I BEG YOUR PARDON??
HIM: Well, you see I've got this embarrassingly small penis and, when we're making love later, I wouldn't want to disappoint you and have you laugh at me."
HER: Head back in laughter

They were up and out before I finished choking on my scotch...

I think maybe I was being conned...


anyone else ever used a 'counter-intuitive ' line that actually worked??
 

BrunoNoMedals

LE
Kit Reviewer
#2
That's pure genius - and it allows me to keep my reputation as an honest man intact :D
 
#4
unemployable said:
Rocketeer, phone your friend to see what happened & report back!!!!!!!!!!!
And, of course, his friend will claim that he enjoyed a night of unbridled passion....

It doesn't work like that!

Litotes
 
#8
A classic case of reverse psychology leading to the 'reverse cowboy'. That's nothing to do with Brokeback Mountain.
 
#10
It's definately a different chat up line I'll give you that lol!

Not something I can imagine the average women falling for though to be fair, gotta be a set up
 
#12
well, it made me laugh too :D
 
#13
Who cares after you have sparayed your spunk. Are you gong to ask her what it tastes like? Just get on there and do the biz having fun at the same time.
 
#14
We had a Gurhka on course I was on. He had only been out of training a short time and wasn't really clued up on the subject of chatting up UK women. One of the guys managed to persaude this Gurhka that it was customary to attract the attention of a girl you find attractive by slapping her on the arrse and asking "whoes ya Daddy?" He fell for this hook, line and sinker. A couple of days later we were on the lash walking down Chatham high street. He saw an attractive girl and promptly walked over to her and did as he had been instructed! He didn't expect to be slapped round the face and told "not facking you, ya caanntttt!"
 
#15
I fell out of the Academy in Bournemouth in a ra ra skirt and boob tube, mascara and painted nails (it was a run ashore!!!!), got 2 skinned knees, was wearing vomit as an overcoat and spent 5 mins trying to get a cash machine to accept a snapped in half card, STILL got scooped up by a sea creature and was bathed, bedded and fed ! I have a vague memory of laying my head in her lap in a taxi all the way to Ferndown and gently weeping ! :D
 
#16
plant_life said:
We had a Gurhka on course I was on. He had only been out of training a short time and wasn't really clued up on the subject of chatting up UK women. One of the guys managed to persaude this Gurhka that it was customary to attract the attention of a girl you find attractive by slapping her on the arrse and asking "whoes ya Daddy?" He fell for this hook, line and sinker. A couple of days later we were on the lash walking down Chatham high street. He saw an attractive girl and promptly walked over to her and did as he had been instructed! He didn't expect to be slapped round the face and told "not facking you, ya caanntttt!"
rotfl thats just too funny :twisted:
 
#17
Ive heard of women crying after sex, normally because of a few kidney punches, but never a bloke crying before sex.

Thats so gay its off the scale! 8O

reni_77 said:
I fell out of the Academy in Bournemouth in a ra ra skirt and boob tube, mascara and painted nails (it was a run ashore!!!!), got 2 skinned knees, was wearing vomit as an overcoat and spent 5 mins trying to get a cash machine to accept a snapped in half card, STILL got scooped up by a sea creature and was bathed, bedded and fed ! I have a vague memory of laying my head in her lap in a taxi all the way to Ferndown and gently weeping ! :D
 
#18
Sapper145 said:
Ive heard of women crying after sex, normally because of a few kidney punches, but never a bloke crying before sex.

Thats so gay its off the scale! 8O

reni_77 said:
I fell out of the Academy in Bournemouth in a ra ra skirt and boob tube, mascara and painted nails (it was a run ashore!!!!), got 2 skinned knees, was wearing vomit as an overcoat and spent 5 mins trying to get a cash machine to accept a snapped in half card, STILL got scooped up by a sea creature and was bathed, bedded and fed ! I have a vague memory of laying my head in her lap in a taxi all the way to Ferndown and gently weeping ! :D
:D Claaaasss you mean ! You cant get 'gayer' at 17 than dressing as a dutch prossie, drinking your weight in vodka in a club, losing your mates, no cash and THEN topping it off by crying in a fat girls lap ! :D
 
#19
No matter how much you dress it up (and in your case probably with the style of a female Timmy mallet) crying before sex is so far off the gay scale its frightening. 8O

RN Steward by any chance were you?

reni_77 said:
:D Claaaasss you mean ! You cant get 'gayer' at 17 than dressing as a dutch prossie, drinking your weight in vodka in a club, losing your mates, no cash and THEN topping it off by crying in a fat girls lap ! :D
 
#20
Mr_Deputy said:
Did you give her funt a fumble while you were down there? The tears probably steralised it a fair bit and added moisture. She must've been as giddy as a fat kid in a cake factory knowing that not only was she going to tap off with a gay Andrew she was going to live out her 'lebanesbian' Dutch prozzie fantasy.
Nope I was afraid my ornate and exquisitely manicured nails would scrape her reccess ! It was an epic performance though, matched only by the time I took a tumble on the bottom field and howled all the way to the sick bay ! :D
 

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