personal best moments of shadenfreude

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by snowboardmic, Apr 18, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. i love a bit o shadenfreude can i tell about this time i laughed my cock off at someone else's misfortune but just couldn't help myself..

    well back in the day that tiffany was popular and belinda carlisle, all the birds were trying that look silly hats or not with those perms...I was in the local boozer with me dezzies on and this chick popped over whilst i was playing "out run" and after 6 pints of courage best she was looking a bit like berlinda..put me right off me stroke so it did...she wanted a light so out comes the corps zippo i oblige as she flicked her long hair up over her head and sucked long and hard on her superking 100...thing is and i'm not sure how much hairspray she had on but it rapidly fell back down and her whole hair went up....

    i didn't mean it but i went to pieces............


    anything goes, you know that devil laughter that just gets a grip of you...doesn't have to be nice just a real honest pissing contest
     
    • Like Like x 3
  2. I particularly enjoyed hearing how a cunt I knew from school snapped his neck in a car crash. I couldn't stop laughing, which I was told was a bit inappropriate, at the funeral.
     
    • Like Like x 9
  3. Ill have some of what hes just had.
     
  4. The bloke (a friend) who ran off with my first Mrs pegged out in 2002.

    He snuffed it in Bridgend as well which still makes me laff to this day.

    :biggrin:
     
    • Like Like x 3
  5. A guy driving some JDM'd-up rice burner went tearing past me on the back road to Larne one Saturday evening. About two or three minutes later I saw him again, minus his car, looking somewhat dazed and confused and standing at the side of the road, talking on his phone. Did I stop? Did I fuck as like.

    Also, Mr "Look at me" in his 2.8i Capri doing donuts in Carrickfergus Harbour Car Park. Car ended up in the water. MWAHAHHA!

    Or, the bloke from my form at school who broke a small bone in his neck trying to suck his own dick.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  6. A big timing Sgt Major at 33 Engr Regt once ripped me a new arrse in front of a gymful of blokes. I would have took it on the chin but he griefed me for not knowing he was an SSM.

    He was in sports kit, as was everyone else, no one was being introduced and I was just chatting to some old mates.

    One swift over the top bollocking later, I slipped off with the not very consoling murmurings from my mates of "Don't worry he's a cock to everyone" in my ears.

    One posting later, the gobshite is at Trg Regts, get's pissed at a Mess function, flakes in the transport home and is woken by the Duty Clutch (sprog), who he then gratuitously drops.

    I laughed like a fucking drain when I heard about the shit storm he got himself into after that.

    Fuck PERSEC, Punchy Pete G you cunt, you got everything you deserved, I'm still laughing now you cock.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  7. That was cathartic.
     
    • Like Like x 6

  8. ha ha is that how he wound up?....i remember that cunt there was only one punchy pete at that time i'm sure, i wont go off topic about why i'm sharing your shadenfreude..GOOD ONE
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. For a wonderful few seconds I thought I knew who you were! Then I realised that everyone I've ever met has a mate who's turned a charming young girl's hair into a fireball. No-one I've ever known has ever done such a thing you understand, but everyone knows someone who has.

    Actually, my old science teacher used to tell a similar bunsen-related story which was similarly uncoroborated.

    Hope the thread takes off though, because everything since has been brilliant!
     
  10. Finding out that the bloke that my ex left me for, after cheating on me whilst in NI, left her after cheating on her, best bit was the tears down the phone and the failed suicide attempt the same day :)
     
    • Like Like x 9
  11. Thing is, this bloke wasn't a bad bugger. He didn't touch kiddies or any bollocks like that, he was genuinely decent, we just fucking loathed each other. Plus I did him a favour for which he owed me money. I might go and chip £15-worth of marble from his gravestone on reflection.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  12. A 22 year served Chief Petty officer got declined his 2OE, which I was reliably informed was as a direct result of him trying to stitch me up 6 months prior. I had been told by a quite senior officer at the time of the stitch-up: "Just take what you get on the chin - you'll be the one laughing eventually". I was eventually done for a much less serious charge and had the pleasure of seeing him drinking himself into a self-loathing, pitying stupor on the day the signal reached him. Even his fellow mess members thought him a throbber of the highest order and gave me their best wishes on the day I was up before the skipper. I even got a few thumbs up as a couple of the chiefs carried the heap of an unconscious cunt back to his cabin.

    I hope he's dead now. He tried to ruin my career on a whim. Maybe things in the army are different but that episode actually made me appreciate, that in the RN at least, when something is seen as grossly unfair - the higher ups will look out for you.
     
  13. I was in a restaurant with the girlfriend of the day when a young women walked in. she strode up to a nearby table where a bloke was trying hard to impress his way into a young lady's knickers and gave him a right public bollocking for being a two timing sexpest slimeball with a tiny penis and a hair trigger. She then turned to flounce out, bumped straight into a waiter carrying a whole tray full of meals and ended up flat on her face covered in food and looking a complete mong. The entire restaurant that had been silent during her tirade burst out laughing and she finaly managed to exit the restaurant to a slow hand clap from the other diners and a total lack of style or dignaty.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  14. There was a kid (I say kid he must have been pushing 20) on the estate who was known for robbing younger kids, thinking on he must have been a bit inadaquate as he always seemed to be hanging round in places where he could push younger kids about. His petty criminality being suprising as he had been to a fee paying school before getting thrown out for being a mong.

    Oh how we laughed when he threatened his land lord a few years later and his landlord torched the flat with him in it, in an attempt kill two birds with one stone, one less nutter squatting and not paying rent and an insurance claim to boot.
     
  15. Sitting in the outside bar area of The Electric Theatre in Guildford and watching the skateboarders on the other side of the River Wey trying to break their necks.

    You could always tell if a good one had happened due to the cheering and applause.