Personal Ads

#1
A friend of the missus has found her last 3 boyfriends using online dating and/or personal ads. She writes such phrases as "cuddly personality", "trustworthy", "likes good food" and all that other bollocks.

What kind of limp-wristed cnut replies to ads like that? This got me thinking; what would be the perfect personal ad?

Name: Gloria Stits

About me: Nice breasts. Can suck a golf ball through a hosepipe. Partial to a bit of backdoor action. Fit best friend with open relationship. Can cook a mean fry-up and make a cracking brew.

Likes: C0ck. Eating out female friends infront of partner. Only eating when BMI drops below 21. Letting any boyfriend watch topgear, because despite seeing it before he likes it, and no he doesn't want to watch "property ladder".

Dislikes: free thought for women. The vote, for women. Spending boyfriends money.

Have I forgotten anything?
 
#3
"Likes good food" and "cuddly" would sugest to me she is a bit of a porker TBH.
 
#4
adouglasmhor said:
"Likes good food" and "cuddly" would sugest to me she is a bit of a porker TBH.
Exactly. Any sane man would come to the same conclusion. While there is nothing wrong with a porker at times (easier, more grateful) it's still not information they should include!
 
#7
smudge67 said:
Dislikes - kissing after taking a throatfull.
Fcukin homo. Nothing like some of your own swimmers making their way down your own throat to "share" the experience with your lover.
 
#8
crabby said:
smudge67 said:
Dislikes - kissing after taking a throatfull.
Fcukin homo. Nothing like some of your own swimmers making their way down your own throat to "share" the experience with your lover.
Still gay. The best is watching your lover share your man juice with the other girl in the bed.
 
#9
-willing to feed you beer and chips all day while you sit around and watch tv (and surf ARRSE)
 
#11
likes suprise love and the smell of chloroform :twisted:
 
#12
Does not want a serious relationship. (Although that's usually a lie!)
 
#14
Is capable of making a decision quickly and then sticking to it.
 
#16
Suffers muscular stiffness in breasts, requiring frequent massage.

(I actually had the missus believing that for a while ;) )
 
#18
Has no gag reflex.
 

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