I'm in London for the next week or so. Am getting quite familiar with the place now after going back and forth for a year or so and it never ceases to amaze me. Wrapped up what I was doing today early and went for a well deserved wet in a pub in Paddington and to have a look at the score. On leaving I fell in step behind 2 Indian kids, evidently Brother and Sister (or a pair of married fucking circus dwarves dependant on which particular school of perviness you subscribe to...) The lad was frantically rooting round in his school bag whilst being dragged along and said simply; - 'I can't find it!' (I had not a clue what he was looking for and still don't) To which the little girl simply said; - 'it's in your fucking bag you fucking fucker' in that 50/50 Anglo-Indian accent common with most KFC staff. It stopped me in my tracks, I wanted to gently kiss her, carry her to her intended destination then back away genuflecting repeatedly as i fawned over her. It was awesome, a simple coupling of words to make the recipient feel like deep fried cat shit. Another time I was collared on the galley roof early hours and fucking about with a mate (I think in fairness we should be given credit for inventing the pissed version of Parkour) A regi MT bloke was on watch and ordered us down off the roof, I was a complete and utter prick, full of ale, very young and offering out a meat headed Falklands Veteran who's only interest to be honest was in our safety and it's connotations in relation to him as duty bod. He really was a nice bloke. He declined my offer of a scrap, probably afraid he'd catch my severe acne anyway, he fucked us off to bed, wrote it up and on Monday we were severely riffted. My CSM advised me to apologise personally as the outlook didn't look too rosy for me if the bloke came across me in town. So I shot up to MT and was pointed towards his office with a knowing nod, I sensed I was going to get a dig. Anyhoo I mumbled and bumbled my way through an apology to the massive lump and he remained impassive, he then uttered a phrase that has remained with me. - 'get fucked you fucking nipple, if I see you out your fucking dead'..delivered impassively and with the slightest of glances up from his paper. Cue me being a veritable ninja on Union Street, always one step ahead of the moustachioed and psychotic cunt who I eventually found out was winding me up and had no intention of cracking me. Have you been blown over with an epic use of naughty words?!