Ode to a penis I'll tell you a short poem; I'll try to make it quick. You might think it quite harmless; You might well find it sick. The subject is quite simple: The joy of having a dick. Penises are super things; You ladies should be jealous. Ever since the early days, When it was small and hairless; I've looked upon that bit of flesh, As something very precious. It starts to grow dramatically, When you're about thirteen. Your testicles on either side; Your willy in between. When erect it's quite a sight; A purple love machine. It dangles neatly down below; Obedient and loyal. Its seeds are hidden well within; Awaiting some fresh soil. At the slightest hint of lust, It's ready to uncoil. It has a mind all of its own; It's like a wild beast. It squirms and writhes and stretches out; When you expect it least. You can't control its energy; You must wait 'til it's ceased. Handle it with love and care; For it can give great pleasure. Has it grown since last weekend? And when did you last measure? Still, no matter what its length; It's something you should treasure. Sometimes, yes, it misbehaves; Erecting when it shouldn't. A bumpy train ride sets it off; Just when you wish it wouldn't. Did that lady notice it? You blush and hope she couldn't. Some people fret about its size; They give it lots of thought. Is seven inches long enough? It makes blokes quite distraught. They peek across in public loos, And try not to get caught. Masturbating is a sin; That's what some folk believe. But those are just old wives' tales; Outdated and naive. And if you're feeling tense or stressed, A quick wank does relieve. Without this fabulous device, No shag would be complete. Lesbians will try their best; But must admit defeat. And what a handy tool it is, When one needs to excrete. The penis is quite marvelous; It has so many uses. For women it is special too; Excitement it induces. And babies can be procreated, From its sperm-filled juices. And always it remains with you; Until you're old and frail. Don't take it out in public though, Or you'll be thrown in jail. Just look at it and feel proud; And thank the lord you're male.