peed meself laughing at this :)

#1
A young woman in Liverpool was so depressed that she decided to end her
life by throwing herself into the Mersey.

She went down to the river and was about to leap into the freezing water
when a handsome young scouse sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier head,
crying.

He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm
off to America in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my
ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."

Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll
keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded yes. After all,what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in America would give her life new meaning.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a
lifeboat.

From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of
fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Two weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the
captain.

"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get
food and a trip to America, and he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," the captain said, this is the Isle of Man Ferry!!!!
 

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