I've just finished dressing my house in celebration of the diamond jubilee of our gracious sovereign. I set out to establish a certain tone. Each upper window pane has a St George's cross with the red hand of Ulster, and the name of a great British fighting formation in each quadrant; the Paras, the Guards, 22 SAS, the Millwall, etc. I photoshopped up something a bit special for the bay windows: a tryptich of Enoch Powell and Sir Oswald Moseley dressed in pure white robes and surmounted by halos, walking hand in hand over the prone bodies of the coloured man and the damned Pope, while Nick Griffith and Henno out of Ultimate Force gaze on adoringly. Now, admittedly, Sir Oz and the 'Noch look like a brace of gibbering homos, but the sentiment is unmistakeable. Just to add a touch of the Shankill, I've painted the kerbstones red, white and blue. You know what? The fcuking Council have served me an enforcement notice to take it all down. It's PC gone mad.