Pay Rise

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by CptDanjou, Jul 10, 2012.

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  1. The Mexican maid asked her boss for a pay increase.

    The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

    She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"

    Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze."

    "The first ees that I iron better than ju."

    Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"

    Maria: "Jor hozban he say so."

    Wife: "Oh yeah?"

    Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than ju."

    Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

    Maria: "Jor hozban did"

    Wife increasingly agitated: "Oh he did, did he???"

    Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than ju in the bed."

    Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth. "And did my husband say that as well?"

    Maria: "No Señora...... The gardener did."

    Wife: "So how much do you want?"
    • Like Like x 2
  2. There's a seperate thread for "Old uns"
  3. Poncho was tired and dusty when he rode his horse into the small windswept town in Mexico.

    He tethered his horse outside the bar, pushed in the bat-winged doors, and with the hinges creaking behind him, spur clinked his way to the bar and pulled up a stool.

    "I'll have a beer senor." Poncho says placing his sombrero on the stool next to him.

    So the barman grabs him a beer.

    Just then, the stranger notices a wanted poster on the wall behind the barman, and his eyes suddenly light up.

    "I see you have a poster of Pedro on your wall senor, the most wanted man in all Mexico!"

    "You know Pedro stranger?"

    "Si senor, Pedro and I are friends."

    "That's impossible, Pedro is a cold blooded killer, he has no friends!"

    "No no senor, we are very good friends! I ran into heem about ten miles out of town, he ambushed me and took my gun. He pointed my own gun at me and demanded I sheet! Being so scared, I pulled down my pants and I sheeet! Pedro laughed like a hyena and said, Now you eeet your sheeet! So I ate my sheet."

    "That's horrible! Then what happened?"

    "Pedro laughed so hard at me eating my sheeet that he dropped my gun! I queekly grabbed my gun and pointed it at Pedro. He stopped laughing and I said- now you sheeet! So he sheet. I said- now YOU eat your sheeet! So he ate his sheeet! Then I made my escape and here I am senor."

    The barman looks at him gobsmacked and asks, "So how does that make you and Pedro good friends?"

    "Of course we are good friends senor! We had lunch together!"
  4. now that joke was Sheet
  5. Glad you can do better son, so lets hear it.
  6. phil245

    phil245 LE Book Reviewer

    Kevin bloody Wilson, Manuel bandito.
    Kevin Bloody Wilson Manuel Bandito - YouTube
    • Like Like x 1
  7. That bloody Kevin! Forever pinching my farking jokes! He wasn't even born when I heard that gag. (The funny cunt)