Pay-back on a shite

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Fat_Cav, Aug 30, 2013.

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  1. I've got a teenage kid (13) who finds it funny to knock on my house at all hours, throw things at my windows and other petty irritating stuff. He's in the same year as my son at school so I'm reluctant to make a big issue or it . .

    However, the little shit made the mistake calling me up to try winding me and now I have his mobile number.

    So fellow ARRSEr's, I'm looking for suitable pay-backs 10 fold.

    I've already started registering it as an interest in PPI, but anything that may appear like genuine txt spam or nuisance calls is much appreciated

    Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
  2. Fuck him slowly and give him a pearl necklace.

    Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
    • Like Like x 6
  3. Had this problem before as well.
    Went to there house and made it very clear IT wont happen again to the parents and the little shite. Bugger pissing about with him just knock the nail on the head.

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    • Like Like x 1
  4. Write on all public toilet walls, "Boy wants to suck old cock, phone XXXXXXXXXXX".
    • Like Like x 12
  5. You're being bullied by a 13 year old.
    • Like Like x 22
  6. He's clearly after male attention. Slowly insert your fingers in his tight virgin quim. Whisper to him how you love and care for him. Run your fingers through his hair and gently force his head towards your half erect member.
    Let him sup on your manly protein and dilate him with an ever increasing number of digits.

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    • Like Like x 3
  7. Tazer the little cunt and then fuck his arse.
    Then graffiti the local public toilets that said kid likes bum sex.
  8. Give his number to Jarrod.
    • Like Like x 6
  9. Come on jarrod he's a chav not a Tory MP.

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  10. I was hoping to be bullied by a sexy 12 year old girl, but it appears I cant have everything in life I want

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  11. He's got to fuck him. I'm not interested in him until he's barely legal and desperate for a throbbing member from a kindly uncle type. The fucking cock hungry twink.

    Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
  12. Make a fake hotmail account and a fake CV using that number for contact and then apply for as many gay bar/cross dressing/kinky jobs/gay escort stuff as you possible can and request a telephone interview on your cover letter cos you're really keen.
    • Like Like x 2
  13. You could pretend to be a sexy young girl in order to chat him up and win him over, then if you get caught out just pretend it was a social experiment.

    That should work.
    • Like Like x 5
  14. Nothing can go wrong...

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    • Like Like x 2
  15. No, get this: wrap some dogshit (or your own) up in a newspaper, set fire to it , place it on his doorstep, ring the bell and scarper!

    Or: turn his Milk-dial up to 10 pints a day.

    Or, remove the batteries from his bicycle lights and place a dead haddock inside, he ll never suss out where the whiff is coming from.

    Btw, the last fucker who did all this to me is in a wheel-chair after I accidently ran him over: whilst he was sat watching telly at home, those 40 Tonners go through brick walls like Exlax through a malnutritioned Ethiopian!

    Hope this helps
    • Like Like x 2