Patrolling SOPs

Mr Tweedy

Old-Salt
Oh, I've got a better one.

When on your what we were told before joining was called a Trained Soldier Course- to DS strong objection on joining - and lined up in an ambush role with two stop groups on either side and the kill group in the middle, fully bombed up and ready to go, at death o'clock in the morning in late December on the wilds behind 8 Sigs at Catterick Garrison, and Santa Claus in full regalia walks in front of your group, DO for ****'s sake shoot at him and send in Shermulys at his general directions in copious amounts, otherwise, the DS who was in the Santa suit - and his buddies, will start shouting at you in very loud noises for that time in the morning for NOT shooting at him and sending Shermulys at his general directions in copious amounts.

Pleas from us that no-one would dare shoot at Santa fell on deaf ears.
If you are a young, keen, thrusting MSO on exercise in Schweinfurt with the American Rangers, however, do not assume that the group of 8 gentlemen dressed in Loden Green carrying Rifles are the "enemy in disguise" and initiate a full ambush, including full on capture and search drills.

Not only will the US Ranger "enemy" following about 400 yard behind find that funny, but they will be particularly amused by the Very angry German hunter with his K98 Mauser, saying "You ******* English, I shot your Grandfather in the head with this Rifle, Now I shoot you, ********".

And you might find that ever after you are a little less keen and thrusting.......
 

Slime

LE
A box of OMO strategically placed in your front window will disrupt a patrol made up of alcoholic, old cold war warriors should they pass through the patch.
Any mention of OMO summons this song.

 
Ensure that the heavy and uncomfortable unit Gimpy is given to the youngest/newest member of the patrol. This will reduce whinging levels directed at you by your longer serving Toms and will delegate a large proportion of the unit's firepower to the very least experienced and capable soldier.
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
Ensure that the heavy and uncomfortable unit Gimpy is given to the youngest/newest member of the patrol. This will reduce whinging levels directed at you by your longer serving Toms and will delegate a large proportion of the unit's firepower to the very least experienced and capable soldier.
Having been voluntold for platoon commander before leaving camp (see my previous), I walked into the block and asked, "Who wants to carry the gimpy?"

The intake weed volunteered in a flash. "What's a gimpy?" I suggested he forego the honour and chose a big lad.
 
Ensure that the heavy and uncomfortable unit Gimpy is given to the youngest/newest member of the patrol. This will reduce whinging levels directed at you by your longer serving Toms and will delegate a large proportion of the unit's firepower to the very least experienced and capable soldier.
It is tradition. His sulphurous and purple highness mandates it to those who would serve him. In this life or the next.
 

Truxx

LE
Never grumble being one of the bigger lads in the platoon.

Being big and used to lifting heavy weights will make you a natural for carrying the 84mm three quarters of the way across sennybridge before a change round where the tiny cav-bound bloke with the monacle and the centre parting gets to live- fire the fcuking thing before you get it back to carry for the rest of the way.

Bitter? Me?
 
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Just_plain_you

War Hero
Never grumble being one of the bigger lads in the platoon.

Being big and used to lifting heavy weights will make you a natural for carring the 84mm three quarters of the way across sennybridge before a change round where the tiny cav-bound bloke with the monacle and the centre parting gets to live- fire the fcuking thing before you get it back to carry for the rest of the way.

Bitter? Me?
Don't take unlucky people out in your patrol
 
Never grumble being one of the bigger lads in the platoon.

Being big and used to lifting heavy weights will make you a natural for carrying the 84mm three quarters of the way across sennybridge before a change round where the tiny cav-bound bloke with the monacle and the centre parting gets to live- fire the fcuking thing before you get it back to carry for the rest of the way.

Bitter? Me?
May have mentioned this before, whilst at RMAS I was not required to take my rifle from the armoury ( apart from drill and ranges) for any of the exercises from half way through the first term as I was always given the 84mm or GPMG, A degree of pleasure was derived from not giving a toss about about the state the rifle of a certain fellow cadet when it was his turn on the GPMG, he is now a Tory MP, couldn’t of happened to a nicer chap.
 

Truxx

LE
May have mentioned this before, whilst at RMAS I was not required to take my rifle from the armoury ( apart from drill and ranges) for any of the exercises from half way through the first term as I was always given the 84mm or GPMG, A degree of pleasure was derived from not giving a toss about about the state the rifle of a certain fellow cadet when it was his turn on the GPMG, he is now a Tory MP, couldn’t of happened to a nicer chap.
My 84mm firer was commissioned into the cav, then came out and - er came out and now does interior design.
 

Truxx

LE
May have mentioned this before, whilst at RMAS I was not required to take my rifle from the armoury ( apart from drill and ranges) for any of the exercises from half way through the first term as I was always given the 84mm or GPMG, A degree of pleasure was derived from not giving a toss about about the state the rifle of a certain fellow cadet when it was his turn on the GPMG, he is now a Tory MP, couldn’t of happened to a nicer chap.
When not carrying the 84 it was either the GPMG or the A41 radio for me. I longed to be lumbered with the 2 inch mortar.
 
When not carrying the 84 it was either the GPMG or the A41 radio for me. I longed to be lumbered with the 2 inch mortar.

Before the last tour in Borneo, went on a signals cadre. Humping an a41 isn't too bad if you're a big bars tard. At 5'4'' a big bars tard I most certainly was not.
 
Avoid all the above problems with the 84 by leaving it in your trench and then kicking in the OHP when bugging out on a night withdrawal.

Bimbling along in your S6* and NBC suit will keep you usefully anonymous, and nobody will notice you are not carrying that ugly weapon.

* other models of respirator are available.
 

Oyibo

LE
ROEs rather than SOPs, but valid nonetheless:

UK PARA REG EYES ONLY
JSP 398 (Airborne Edition)

GUIDANCE FOR LETTING RIP FOR AIRBORNE PERSONNEL
AUTHORISED TO BE TOOLED UP AND LOOKING HARD WITH MORE WEAPONS AND AMMO THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A STICK AT

GENERAL GUIDANCE


1. These ROE do not affect your general right to be well hard and kick off. However, in all situations you are to use MFV (Maximum F#cking Violence).​

FIREARMS MUST BE USED IF A SEVERE KICKING DOESN’T GET THE MESSAGE ACROSS

2. Your weapon must always be of the largest calibre available. That is, rifle 5.56mm are OK but the General is definitely the business and as for .50 cal - enough said. In the case of automatic weapons belt ammo is well ally. L96 is also recommended as it makes you look like a cold blooded murdering psycho.​

CHALLENGING

3. Warn the cun£ he is about to get the good news unless:​
a. He was asking for it anyway​
OR​
b. To do so would make you look like a twat in front of your mates.​
4. You are to challenge by shouting: “OI, YA HAT CUN£ - GET SOME OF THIS”​
Or words to that effect.​

USE OF LETHAL FORCE

PROTECTION OF THE BLOKES


5. You may brass the f#cker up if he/she is about to piss you off or commit an act likely to make yourself and the rest of the Reg look not as hard as you should be.​

OPENING FIRE

6. When you open fire you are to:​
a. Brass up the entire f#cking area;​
AND​
b. Get the General up as quickly as possible and give it big licks;​
AND​
c. Look well f#cking tasty throughout.​

PROTECTION OF PROPERTY

7. B0llocks to it, if it looks Gucci, nick it.​

D-2
JSP 398 (Airborne Edition)
UK PARA REG EYES ONLY
 
My 84mm firer was commissioned into the cav, then came out and - er came out and now does interior design.
Interesting that, the man I am talking about was also commissioned into the cav and yes he also came out, I don’t need to mention his name it doesn’t take the brains of an archbishop to work it out, over to you;).
 

Sarastro

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
ensure you have 4-6 litres more water than is required for the duration of the patrol.

put this excess in your mates daysack when he's not looking.

set off on patrol.
If on hard routine, always offer to pair up to stag on for anyone going for a shit. That way you can suddenly discover that you, too, need to crap but have left your placcy in your bergan. One mixed, your two dumplings will become inseperable without much mess and displeasure, meaning he will end up carrying it for you. The extra weight will improve his fitness, making you both a good friend and conscientious colleage.
 

Truxx

LE
Avoid all the above problems with the 84 by leaving it in your trench and then kicking in the OHP when bugging out on a night withdrawal.

Bimbling along in your S6* and NBC suit will keep you usefully anonymous, and nobody will notice you are not carrying that ugly weapon.

* other models of respirator are available.
You had an overhead projector? That's going on my kit list....
 

Truxx

LE
Avoid all the above problems with the 84 by leaving it in your trench and then kicking in the OHP when bugging out on a night withdrawal.

Bimbling along in your S6* and NBC suit will keep you usefully anonymous, and nobody will notice you are not carrying that ugly weapon.

* other models of respirator are available.
18 inches of overhead protection from arty up to battlefield nuke and it can be "kicked in"

Chuck Norris walt....
 

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