I left the green machine some years ago, and have since settled down and become 'tame'. To the extent that my better half thinks I'm a good lad, always well behaved. But at the weekend, I inadvertently managed to open her eyes a bit. Weâd met up with another ex-service mate of mine, and as is usual on such occasions, we started to indulge in some 'do you remember when...?' stories, and I told him about the âparty tricksâ discussion which I was involved in while on live guard one weekend. Must point out at this stage that Iâd had a beer or two, and kinda forgot that the missis was with meâ¦ Anyway, Iâm telling the tale and setting the scene â itâs 3am on a Saturday night and thereâs half a dozen of us in a guardroom, bored out of our minds, guzzling tea and smoking fags, and as you know, the conversation turns to all sorts of crap. One lad asks what everyoneâs favourite party trick is, and various answers come up followed by a demonstration, which helps pass the time. And then one lad quietly announces that he can suck his own c0ck. You could have heard a pin drop. âGo on then, prove itâ pipes up one other bloke. And so he does â kecks down, old boy out, bend the back, pull a bitâ¦ and in it goes. Rest of us are stunned. But very, very envious. âWell if he can bloody do itâ¦â One of the other guys drops his kecks and attempts it. Back doesnât bend anywhere near as far, and he strains and struggles and swears as he tries to repeat the feat. Right, this is a mission now. So, anyone peering through the guardroom window at East Wretham camp at 0300 that Saturday night, would have been treated (!!!) to the sight of half a dozen of the Royal Anglians finest, all bent double and trying to suck their own knobs. And barring that first bloke, we all failed. âVery nice. You can show me that when we get home then darlingâ says the missis as I finish telling the tale. OOPS!!!