Parental pride

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mighty_doh_nut, Sep 3, 2006.

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  1. This morning Mrs MDN announced that my 2 1/2 year old nipper wanted to go to see some beautiful butterlflies, I was overwhelmed with excitement and looked for excuses not to go.

    Being a dutiful and doting father I was told I had no chance of getting out of it and unless I wanted silent treatment for a month then I should get in the car, stop whinging and if I was a good boy I could have a cornetto

    I entertained myself for a few minutes by putting some of the caterpillars in the tortoise pen then we were ushered into an area for a talk by a tefal headed boffin who knew everythign about moths, butterflies and other pointless insects.

    15 minutes of latin names and dribble followed before a question and answer session for the kids.....

    'Does anyone know what butterflies eat'

    My nipper leapt to her feet and in her bestest loud voice yelled 'Butties'

    The place erupted, I was prouder than a peacock with its best blazer on.

    'Thats right Daddy, isn't it Daddy buttyflies eat butties...... don't they Daddy'

    The frau scowled at me as if to say 'You childish arrsehole, what have you been teaching her' but I was glowing with pride far too much to notice.

    Kids eh, they are great......... and tight
  2. Kids are definitely tight.... my "almost grown up" 6yr old really believes that if she finds money in the house it is hers, even going into my handbag , taking out a note and saying "look what i found mommy" and puts it straight into her money box! I think to myself that when she is asleep I can always sneak it back out but I cannot for the life of me find this money box anywhere in her bedroom...... I ask her and she wont tell me! Very cute and very smart.
  3. sounds like my wife,only its my wallet not my handbag.
  4. I meant tight in a very different context.....

    I got the Mrs to drive home so I could clamber in the back and tamper with her tightness, in the comfort that she couldn't wriggle due to the harness's restraining her.

    I suggest that if your nipper is stealing from you that you beat the living daylights out of her and whip her bare back with electrical flex.
  5. MDN. The little squealer said 'botties', not butties. FFS.

    I've heard many euphemisms for kiddy fiddlers in the past, but 'butterflies ain't one of them. You dirty fecking barsteward. You should be strung up by your goolies, then gutted like a pig.
  6. Depends on how long you've been at 'em, really.

    Also, well done that child. A faultless piece of squaddie-logic if ever there was one.
  7. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    Babyglue, seriously you need to take her to one side about this thieving.

    Sit down with her, have a mug of hot chocolate to make her feel relaxed and able to talk about things.
    Let her know that there are good things and bad things in life, and that they beget themselves.
    Explain to her that pikeyism is bad and she must not just take money.
    During the chat you must impress upon her that each and every bad action always rebounds on those that do them.
    Then, using your garden secateurs, snip off the first two joints of her right forefinger.

    I'm sure she'll get the message.
  8. I've posted before about her cousin when he was a youth....

    He was staying over with us for a while and I was helping him with his homework.... all about what creatures eat what... Tigers eat meat, sea lions eat fish and so on....

    He came to me stumped, asking what snakes eat..... I told him to think about it, still stumped he wanted to give in.

    'What sort of snake is it'

    'Dunno..... python?'

    'So what do you think Pythons eat?'

    'Long pause, then a sparkle in his eyes as he realises....... Pies'

    He argues black and blue with the teacher that Pythons ate pies, because uncle MDN fcuking says so and he's in the army so there...

    I nailed him too :D
  9. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    Calm down, calm down.

    MDN is actually performing a selfless service for the wee lass.
    If he doesn't get her used to these things at an early age, how do you think she'll react as a fourteen year old when she starts dating Squaddies ?
  10. To a cross?

    The other day, I was changing the wee lads nappy when I happened to glance upon his sack. Sitting there, all wrinckled and still glistening with a bit of p1ss, I couldn't help but thinking it looked like a shiny wallnut.

    I made sure the Mrs was in the kitchen and bent down for a little lick. Either balls taste really bad or there was a bit of a shite smear on the underpart of his balls.
  11. You are not quite the cnut I had you labelled as, thats just made me snigger
  12. No problem. She'll be a pro by then, starring in 'Mothers and their Daughters Spit Roasted for your Pleasure'. A platoon of hairy arrsed squaddies will be a little light 'relief' after that. The Do-Bag can sit in the background playing with his weenie, humming the cheesy ABBA incidental music.
  13. Grandson 5ys old last week. I said I wish it was my birthday, he said " but essexbob if you have anither birthday you will be so old you will be dead"
    Laugh I almost cried as I stuck his spiderman web machine up his arris and emptied it into him
  14. maninblack

    maninblack LE Book Reviewer

    One of the twin babies was lying on the changing table sans nappy this weekend when he spectacularly piddled in a wonderous golden arc........right into his own mouth.

    "Mmmmmmm" though MiB, "This one has a future in The RAF Regiment."

    I was waiting for his brother to play freckles but at 3 months he isn't strong enough to swat a soiled nappy with a pub ashtray......runt.
  15. Do you entertain yourself by placing the young twins in the 69 position?